The Story of a Woman Who Has Had Her Ups and Downs but Wants to Die Saying, 'Ah, That Was Fun!' (Positively Speaking)
I consider myself to be living a relatively serious and healthy life, but I've been called a walking Tabelog and a typical only-child Type B. I seem to be a treasure trove of material.
It was nearly ten years ago, but I used to write on Note every day with the intensity of someone scribbling furiously. I loved writing. No, to be honest, rather than love, it was more about venting. Those days of 'I can't deal with this!' Things that couldn't be helped no matter how much I cried or screamed, things that couldn't be laid to rest unless I turned them into a funny story. When I wrote them down as comically as possible and published them, everyone said they were interesting or enjoyed them, and that helped me maintain my self-esteem.
Thinking back, it was incoherent. Expressing a depth of love that was foolish, or writing poetic, narcissistic monologues. Sometimes, it was to lay a friend's heartbreak to rest as a funny story. Those were days where I couldn't cope unless I vented it as material. I wrote as if driven by impulse.
And yet, for some reason, for the past few years, I haven't had anything I wanted to write, I haven't made any promises to write with anyone, and it hasn't brought in any income. I drifted away from Note, and from writing. But! My current feeling is that I might try writing and talking again, bit by bit.
Irregularly.
It's a letter that won't reach anyone. Thinking of people I can never meet again. Or wanting to convey love. Because I don't know any other way to express myself than by writing.
I started photography last year. I once had professional promotional photos taken, and for about an hour of hair and makeup and 20 minutes of studio shooting, I got 50 or 100 photos? And it cost about 30,000 yen. Yeah, I'm broke. Even so, the photos taken by a professional photographer after being styled by a professional hair and makeup artist were well-received by everyone I showed them to, and I was over the moon. It was a very good experience. That lit a fire in my heart. I want to make everyone beautiful with my own hands.
'Beauty' is amazing.
When you try to be beautiful, people treat you beautifully.
No one treats a diamond carelessly. There are surely few people who would return abuse to polite language. Unpleasant things are unlikely to happen in a pure place. It's a slightly vague expression, but that's how I feel. If you value yourself, others will treat you with value, and if you try to be beautiful, you will be treated as something beautiful. It's not about physical appearance, but about your presence and your state of mind. And your choice of words, too.
I want to die saying, 'Ah, that was fun!' That said, these are the monologues of a woman swaying between that and 'It was so much fun that I don't want to die yet!'
Well, tomorrow will surely be a good day. If you say it like that, it will surely be a good day.
A junior colleague once said something like this.
'You say thank you to God in advance. Then it will come true.'
Thinking about it calmly, what's the point of putting pressure on God... but that might be interesting too. If you think it's interesting, if you can think that way, it might become interesting. If you think it's fun, it might become fun. If you think it's lovely, love might deepen.
Well, let's go to sleep. It takes me 20 minutes to brush my teeth, so, let's go to sleep.
Unconnected, straight-from-the-camera words (I wanted to try saying that).
I love you, I adore you. Good night.