A Story About an Alien Who Is Too Perfect (If One Fate Were Different, I Might Have Been Human)

My mind is a bit cluttered, so I'm writing this note to organize my thoughts.

Based on my past experiences, perhaps because yesterday was a full moon, or due to hormonal balance or weather-related illness... I am writing this all at once (as I seem to be heavily influenced by adrenaline), so I am well aware that it may be incoherent.

I titled this 'A Too-Perfect Self,' but I am by no means a 'perfect human.' I don't even want to be a 'perfect human.' Not at all. If I ever think, 'I am perfect!', that will be when I am dying. Regarding this, I have absolutely no negative feelings. If I were to become perfect, it would mean my death. It is the final destination of life. That is what it means.

That sense of things is what connects to my belief that I am an alien. I believe I have blue blood flowing through me. Depending on my birth background, one could also interpret it comically as being an only child with blood type B (this is just a topic of conversation; well, that might be the case too).

That is fine.

It is fine to be an alien. Just a little while ago, I met another alien, and I was saved. Although I am a genuinely positive person (an alien?) who originally has high self-esteem and self-worth, I felt a sense of loneliness somewhere. That was normal and ordinary in my daily life, and it has always been that way; I thought that was just how things were. I was also proud of being different from others. Perhaps there was also a part of me that thought, 'I can't deal with this,' if I didn't feel proud.

When I was a student, an old friend told me something like, 'You've developed social adaptability.' It means that I, who have lived as an alien, have acquired the skills to blend into 'society.' From your perspective, was I a misfit?

Being perfect is dangerous. To me, it is terrifying.

What if someone were to reject the perfect me?

It would be impossible to live after being crushed (this part is negative). That is precisely why I am never satisfied with myself, always leaving room for growth, and creating reasons to live. Not being able to be perfect is the very meaning of my life.

When I tell people this, they sometimes say, 'You're a perfectionist, aren't you?', but that is not the case. However, since I cannot stop what people think in their hearts, it cannot be helped if I am evaluated or judged that way. It is my adaptability as an alien, my way of navigating life.

When I was looking something up,

'If one fate were different'

This phrase came up. Good. I like it.

Whether it is fate, coincidence, or destiny, when you stand at the crossroads of life, what do you see there? Who is there? You might just pass by, make eye contact, or bump shoulders. You might even speak to each other. By the way, today, I met an alien. We communicated.

She also said she never thought, 'I am perfect,' or felt 100% satisfied with herself. Why was she able to give 100%?

I know the reasons why I cannot achieve perfection or 100% satisfaction, but I still haven't fully imagined the situation or feelings of when I might be able to do so. I might feel embarrassed. I might think I lack humility. I might think that being easy on myself like that is actually bad.

For a while now, I intend to face the 'me' who 'might have been human if one fate were different.' If I were human, could I allow myself to be perfect? Could I give 100%? What kind of world would unfold beyond that point? What can be seen from that crossroads, and who is there?

Crossing the intersection, looking at it, turning back. That, too, is up to me.

Ah, I feel refreshed. I was able to write what I wanted to write.

Well then. I will survive another day while being plagued by a migraine. Loxonin doesn't even work.

I love you, I adore you. Farewell.