Harsh Words

My daughter, who moved to Hokkaido for work, is coming home.
Just from that, I had been building up days' worth of expectations on my own.

I want to make her happy.
I want to make it a fun time.
I plan various things, wanting her to think, 'I'm glad I came home.'

I thought I would take her to a restaurant she used to like.
A Chinese restaurant she had said she liked the taste of for a long time.
I was still holding onto that memory dearly.

—It was a regular holiday.

Standing stunned in front of the shutter, my daughter said one thing.
"Usually, you'd check properly before bringing someone here, right?"

That was it.
I couldn't say anything.

Perhaps my defeat was already decided at that point.
The moment the plan fell apart, I reverted to being the 'parent who has to entertain.'

When we returned home, my daughter was sitting in her room looking bored.
I opened my mouth in a panic.

"Do you want to watch a DVD or something?"

I meant it as kindness.
I meant it as an attempt to reach out.

The words that came back were short, cold, and unreserved.

"I want to go home already."

…Huh?
For a moment, I didn't understand the meaning.

You want to go home?
Even though it's still daytime?
Is the time spent in this house that painful for you?

I felt a dull shock deep in my chest.

"I see."

That was all I could say.
My emotions couldn't keep up.

My daughter's words are harsh.
Without a doubt, they are harsh.

But I can't help but think.
Did I raise her to be able to throw such harsh words at a parent so easily...

She was a child who always spoke her mind clearly.
I thought that was fine.
But this time, it really is harsh.

I thought I was doing it for the best.
I meant it with good intentions.
Was that just my own self-satisfaction?

I couldn't empathize with my daughter's feelings, and I was just sad.

For parents and children, playing at being best friends is the cruelest thing of all.
The more you expect, the more potent the poison becomes when you are betrayed.

Those harsh words still sting even now.
Ever since that day, I have found myself keeping my distance from my daughter.