Let's Be Grateful for the 'Nameless Chores'

Hello. I'm Gan-T.
I work as an elementary school teacher, am a father of two, and a husband.

We have two children in our home.
My wife also works, so we are a dual-income household sharing childcare and housework.

Both childcare and housework are truly tough.
If there is anyone doing this alone, I truly respect you. You are amazing.

Currently, if I list the chores I do while cooperating with my wife...

Cooking, cleaning the toilet, cleaning the bath, cooking, washing dishes, hanging laundry, folding laundry,
Cleaning, taking out the trash, setting trash bags, setting the sink drain net

I guess that's about it. I don't know if that's a lot or not, but
it used to be less. Especially when my wife was on maternity leave...

But even with those chores, I would act a bit smug and happy when I did them.
Then my wife said,

'I hate the word "ikumen" (child-rearing man). I also hate the word "participate." Those words assume that everything is supposed to be done by the mother or the wife. I also hate being told "childcare leave." It's not a vacation.'

I remember saying that and immediately turning serious.

Things I realized after doing housework

It's been 8 years since I started training under such a wife...
I think I've gotten quite used to housework, but there is still one thing I think about.

Even so, my wife does a significant amount of housework.

That is the case. Especially the"nameless chores"are amazing.

・To cook, you need ingredients and seasonings.
・To clean the toilet, you need detergent, flushable wipes, and toilet paper.
・To clean the bath, you need detergent.
・For washing dishes, you need detergent and fabric softener.
・To take out the trash, you need trash bags.
・To set the sink drain net, you need the net itself.

Most of the chores I do require materials or goods to perform them. She quietly prepares those for me.
There must surely be other"nameless chores" I don't notice...I lived alone, so I have a slight idea, but I realized that before I knew it, I had

been relying on my wife for daily life.Thinking, "I need to get my act together," and to avoid clashing with my wife,

there are only two things I am conscious of when doing housework.

・Instead of claiming what I've done, do it casually and do it when I notice it.
・Express gratitude when I notice it.

Instead of claiming what I've done, do it casually and do it when I notice it.

I think humans have a desire for approval somewhere. However, claiming what you've done just because you want to be praised is a no-go. My wife does several times more than that... I think it's important to do what you can, do it when you notice it, and do it casually.

Express gratitude when I notice it.

But I try to quietly say "Thank you" to my wife when she does something for me.

Because the opposite of taking things for granted is gratitude.

It is important to convey the feeling of "Thank you for doing this." In my case, I am helped withthe nameless chores aspect,so it's even more so.

I also realized one more thing.

Don't look at yourself doing housework relatively, but absolutely.

I used to have a habit of comparing myself to other fathers, thinking,
"Aren't I doing more than other fathers?"
But after spending 8 years with my wife, I thought,

"Doing housework is a given. It's not about how much you did between the couple, but whether it's getting done."

That is what it means.


I felt a little ashamed of myself for thinking I was doing more housework than others.

Conclusion

I think I will continue to be helped by these nameless chores, but I intend to do what I can for now.

The nameless chores are formidable indeed.

Thank you for reading until the end.

May 13, 2020 Cocktail Day
1475 characters GanT