9/2 | I love Lucky Kilimanjaro | Diary

The fact that September has arrived without incident means that I was rejected from the essay contest whose results were due at the end of August.

I understand intellectually that public submissions are not that simple, but I feel shocked every time I am rejected.
Since I put my heart and soul into all of them, I think it's a shame for them to end up without ever seeing the light of day. I hope to publish them someday when the opportunity arises.

I have a dream of making and selling a ZINE. I plan to go to the Literature Flea Market in Osaka, which is coming up in two weeks, so I hope to get some inspiration there.

While I can set a positive path for writing like this, I also feel exposed to great anxiety.
I wonder if I'm not cut out for writing in the first place, or if I'm too dependent on the evaluation of others.
Various voices echo in my head, and I can't help but feel restless.

I am equating results with my own worth. Is it better that I am at least aware of it?
In any case, I have a strong sense of inferiority, and I cannot deny that there is an aspect of writing as a means to overcome it. I also feel that this is dishonest to the act of writing.

Let's return for a while to the phase of writing for fun, writing to feel better personally.
That is what I am telling myself.

While I was spending my time with those feelings, Lucky Kilimanjaro's 'Dancers Friendly,' which I played on the train on my way home from work, really hit home.

These repeated lyrics soaked into my heart and gave me a push.
Everything doesn't matter. I thought that doing what I want to do and enjoying it is the best thing.
As I walked home listening to it on repeat, my mood changed in an instant, and I felt happy at my own simplicity.

Lucky Kilimanjaro's lyrics repeatedly convey the message in various songs that you should do what you like without worrying about the evaluation of others,
and I think I can taste the simple excitement and thrill before being trapped in complex thoughts.
Whether you call it a childlike heart or a starting point, I feel like I can return to that most fundamental part of myself, and I really love it.
Not just the lyrics, but the music as well, of course.

I already have many things I love. I want to look at those things and choose to have a positive attitude.
Thank you to this world!