I want to say I like udon without any concerns

Looking back, my parents' marriage was always cold.
It wasn't just once or twice that I witnessed my father, transformed by the power of alcohol, hitting or verbally abusing my mother.
We siblings were sometimes targets too, and it was a daily occurrence for me, as the eldest daughter, to be used as a punching bag for my mother's stress, both psychologically and physically.

I don't remember at all why the conversation came up, but whether I was an adult or not, back when I was still a young maiden, my younger sister, brother, and I were talking about something like, "Do you prefer udon or soba?"

I'm a udon person.
I didn't understand the appeal of soba until I was over 30. Now I like both!

Naturally, my young self said, "I like udon better!"

"You're just like your shitty father."

I don't think there was any particular emotion behind it, but those heavy words were spoken by my mother.
It wasn't that this time was special; things like that happened often since I was a child.
Whether it was "I like toast burnt until it's crispy" or "I like potato and seaweed miso soup," I was always spat at with, "You're just like your shitty father" or "You're just like your shitty father's grandmother."

Perhaps because of these experiences, the thought that
"if I say I like what I like, someone will be offended"
is stuck to me like grime.
That's why even now, when the topic of hobbies comes up in casual conversation with colleagues or friends, like "What do you do on your days off?", I get defensive.
On note and Twitter (I haven't been able to keep up with the times), I reveal what I like quite freely, but when it comes to people I actually meet face-to-face and share time with daily, I find the hurdle very high.

Even saying that I knit on my days off, or that I write in a notebook to have a dialogue with myself, or that I play games, the thought that people might think I'm gloomy or that I don't have friends just crosses my mind.

But I want to be able to say I like what I like, too.
I want to stop remembering that voice of my mother every time I say I like udon.

Well, in reality, if I were asked "What do you do on your days off?" and had to confess honestly,

"I read commercial BL on the Comic Seymour app until I fall asleep"

is what I'd say.
Oh, but I am very interested in a world line where I can say I like BL without any concerns.

Thank you for reading until the end.

↓ Participating. Day 2.