What I've Been Struggling With for 30 Years: A Comprehensive Guide to ADHD Inattentive Type Relatable Moments
A Comprehensive Collection of ADHD Inattentive Type Relatable Moments
Introduction
"Why do you forget things like that?" "Get it together." "Not again..."
I've heard those words over and over. But even I didn't understand. Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes? Why do I feel so out of sync with others?
I've lived my life with a "brain quirk" called ADHD (Inattentive Type). I spent 30 years not knowing that. I just assumed I was "sloppy," "thoughtless," or "incompetent," and I blamed myself the whole time.
This is a record of my "relatable moments" and "screw-ups." And it's a note I hope reaches someone else who feels the same difficulty in living.
Daily Life Edition
Scrambling every morning because I can't find my wallet or keys
Forgetting to buy what I went to the convenience store for (and buying snacks instead)
Starting to clean the bathroom while taking a bath, and forgetting to wash my body
Starting to do laundry when I meant to cook, and ending up with cup noodles
Putting a pot on the stove and forgetting it exists -> burnt to a crisp
Interpersonal & Communication Edition
Can't remember people's names; they fly right out of my head
Starting a different topic in the middle of a conversation, leaving the other person saying "Huh?"
I can read the room, but my reaction is one beat off
Not "ignoring messages" but "leaving them unread" -> I forgot to open them
Being too considerate of others and unable to speak my mind, or reaching my limit and blurting it out suddenly
Love & Partnership Edition
Putting off replying to a LINE message -> leaving it unread indefinitely
Forgetting a promise and losing trust
Reading the room too much and unable to say what I really think
The conversation jumps around and I get lost, asking "What were we talking about again?"
My expressions of affection are extreme, which confuses others
I like someone too much and become overbearing → I regret it later
I appear cold, but I actually have feelings
I sometimes avoid people I like
Ideal relationships in my daydreams → Spinning my wheels in reality
Low self-esteem makes me worry, 'Is it okay for me to be like this?'
Work and Academics Section
I tend to put off replying to emails
I panic because I can't prioritize work tasks
I'm called 'sloppy' because of minor mistakes
I don't know where I saved my documents
I hyper-focus only right before a deadline, draining my energy
I take feedback from others too personally and get depressed
The type who can score well on tests but can't submit assignments
Treated as 'someone who can do it' after one success → Pressure
I'm bad at reporting, communicating, and consulting, so I put it off and cause trouble
I can't organize tasks and tend to avoid even simple ones
Hobbies and Focus Section
When I get hooked, I forget to eat and sleep → When I get bored, I quit in a second
I accumulate hobby gear that I'm satisfied with just by buying
Getting so absorbed in books or movies that I lose sight of reality
Having too many things I want to do and ending the day without having started any of them
Shopping & Money Edition
Impulse-bought items remain unopened
Getting excited by sales and buying only unnecessary things
Wallet is stuffed with receipts
Installing a household account book app and quitting after 3 days
Forgetting to cancel subscriptions and continuing to pay for them pointlessly
Health & Lifestyle Habits Edition
Having about three half-finished water bottles on my desk
Forgetting to take medicine or supplements, or taking them twice
Irregular sleep schedule → prone to day-night reversal
Being slow to realize that I'm tired or hungry
Alternating between anxiety and high energy from day to day
Thoughts & Emotions Edition
Fixating intensely on trivial things
Being a perfectionist but giving up halfway through
Repeating a self-reflection session in my head over and over
Being genuinely worried about something, but feeling fine the next morning
Once I get negative, I fall into a bottomless pit
Memo and To-Do Management Section
Forgetting that I wrote a note or not knowing where I wrote it down
Feeling satisfied just by making a to-do list and then never actually doing the tasks
Making the task list so detailed that it becomes scary to look at
Having a longer list of 'things I messed up' than 'things to do'
Finally: My True Feelings
I still struggle immensely with ADHD inattentiveness. In the past, when I talked to my parents or siblings about it, they told me, 'You're just blaming your environment.' From an outsider's perspective, I guess that's true. It's tricky because these mistakes look similar to those made by neurotypical people. But for me, this doesn't happen 'occasionally'—it happens 'almost constantly.'
I'm not understood. I even started thinking that if I could just become number one and silence everyone by hitting them with cold, hard logic, they wouldn't have anything to complain about.
However, in general society, there are times when hitting people with logic doesn't solve anything. You need to understand the gray area of empathy. Some people are saved by it, while others end up crying and leaving. I've also made people angry several times by getting emotional and then cornering them with relentless, logical arguments.
That's why I don't have expectations for myself. Now that I've started to grasp the patterns, I've become able to understand, 'Oh, this is what is needed right now.' Even though I still fail most of the time. I can't move unless I'm in a state of 'knowing' rather than just 'understanding.'
I genuinely have no interest in things I'm not interested in. But I don't want to blame that on my environment or my disability, so I push myself to reach that 'state of knowing.' This is my way of doing things.
So, in general society, no matter how much I want people to understand, it's a world where people will just say I'm being spoiled, so I will make an effort not to lose without blaming my environment.
By the way, this isn't just self-analysis; these are the results from a psychiatric evaluation. Honestly, there was a part of me that felt relieved and was able to stop caring once I got a diagnosis. I also have a Grade 3 disability certificate. (Though it has expired now.)
It's been about 6 or 7 years since I got the diagnosis. I'm improving every day. Even though I still fail.
I had ChatGPT generate a list of relatable points, and 90% of them applied to me (lol).
I'm sure I'll still fail. But just being aware of it is progress.
Instead of blaming myself, I'm learning 'how to use myself.'
That is what 'updating my way of life' means to me.
I would be happy if I could deliver even a little bit of empathy and peace of mind to others who are struggling in the same way.
Well, I think maybe I should have shared various things sooner. It's scary to share my true, honest feelings, after all.
I wonder if there's anyone at work or in my private life who could truly understand if I said all this (lol).
Thank you for reading this far.