[Report] As a resident of the back alley, I went all in♡

It all started with an invitation from the city's Board of Education (!) asking, "Would you like to teach a class (!!) at an elementary school?" As a result of that pure, righteous, and beautiful educational thing where they follow the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology's (!!!) guidance to "utilize local talent to teach students," the lot fell to me... Is this okay? Is it really okay for it to be me? Not only do I openly declare that I don't usually wear underwear, but I even went out the other day forgetting my bra, and I'm the kind of person who would charge at a car speeding toward me without hitting the brakes, shouting, "If you want to hit me, go ahead!" Is it really okay for it to be me? Even though I live my life seriously and honestly, I am (vaguely) aware that I am a social deviant, right? For someone like me to teach innocent students... isn't that a bad idea??

That said, I was invited, and I don't want to miss this precious opportunity to meet real elementary school students! Since I'm doing it, I'll give it my all! I'm going to talk about something that will be useful for elementary school students!!

So, I scratched my head and wrote the manuscript. Since it's a 30-minute talk, the required length is 9,000 characters. The manuscript I struggled to write is 12,000 characters... Are you a real idiot? What on earth are you trying to do, struggling even more to cut 3,000 characters from a manuscript you already struggled to write?? (← I don't even know myself)

My talk flows smoothly, so there are no natural breaks. So, what happens? I have a hard time reducing the character count! Since cutting sentences makes the talk hard to understand, I have no choice but to cut three characters here, five characters there, bit by bit!! Grrr!!

And somehow, I managed to reduce it to 9,600 characters. I want to cut another 600, but it's impossible... (tears). Please forgive me with this... (tears).

And the manuscript was completed the day before. That's too late! It's down to the wire! When I read the talk aloud to time it, it was 3 minutes over (;^ω^). The ideal is 30 minutes, but it ended up being 33 minutes... Well, whatever (← gave up). If it's only about 3 minutes, the capable Ms. Maruyama (pseudonym, female, probably in her 40s) will probably adjust it somehow.

I haven't met Ms. Maruyama, but I guessed she was in her 40s from the professional content of her emails. From the love for her students overflowing in every part, and the kind, thoughtful tone of her writing, I took her to be a serious person. In my mind, she is a plain-looking female teacher in a suit wearing silver-rimmed glasses. A stiff teacher who keeps her black hair tied back tightly and faces her students every day. If it's her, I think she'll cover for my carelessness♪♪

When I was relieved that the manuscript was finished, Ketaro-san, a fellow resident of the back alley, wrote an article representing the thoughts of Konishi Kinoko-san. I had been reading Konishi Kinoko-san's articles, but because I'm an idiot, I hadn't grasped the true meaning. After reading Ketaro-san's article, I finally realized, "So that's what it was!!"

It is Konishi-san's passionate desire that "I want children to know about the existence of the back alley, and I want children to enjoy '#WhatAreYouTalkingAbout' too." It's content I strongly agree with, but because I'm an idiot, I hadn't understood it.

I finally realized it after reading Ketaro-san's article. "Isn't this a huge opportunity?? You rarely get such a precious chance!"

Konishi-san wants children to know about the existence of the back alley. And tomorrow, I will be giving a talk in front of a large number of children.

Isn't this a once-in-a-lifetime chance to let the children know about the existence of the back alley?

Although I thought that, I held my head in my hands! Because the class is tomorrow and I finally finished the manuscript, and now I have to rewrite it!? It's going to be super tough!! Even now it's packed with information, and I have to add new things about the back alley!? It's impossible!! Besides, if I do that, who will be happy!?

Konishi Kinoko-san. And if they learn about the existence of the fun back alley, the children should be happy too.

But time-wise it's impossible, time-wise for the class it's impossible, rewriting it by tomorrow is impossible, and it's impossible to correctly understand Konishi-san's thoughts and put them into text, and even if I could put it into text, there's no time to confirm it with Konishi-san, and it's impossible to shove in the back alley which has nothing to do with the requested class content, and if I mess up there's a possibility of a complaint from the school, and I don't want to take that much risk either!! It's impossible! I can't do it! Impossible, impossible, impossible!!

If you have time to worry, write! If you have time to make excuses for why you can't do it, use that time to write! You're a pro, aren't you!? Stop complaining and write!!

I'll do ittttttt!!

I have been saved by Konishi-san many times. I think the other residents of the back alley feel the same. Isn't it okay for me to make him happy for once! Do it with all your might!! And someday, make the children who wander into the back alley happy!!

I wrote the manuscript at breakneck speed, proofread it, and gave it my own OK! Now, if I can just get Konishi-san's OK, I'll dive right into tomorrow's class!

I got the OK from Konishi-san! Sou is going to do it!!

And yesterday, I stormed the school! Maruyama-sensei, whom I met for the first time, was...

A total gal☆ She was a 'ganguro' gal with false eyelashes, brown hair, and long hair!! I couldn't believe it!! While I was in shock, the teacher guided me into the multipurpose room where the students were waiting. Before I could even finish my introduction, the class started!! I hadn't even taken off my coat yet!!

While taking off my coat and setting my watch, I greeted them in a flurry. Then I looked around the room and shouted 'Oh my god!!' in my heart! This time, I'm talking in front of about 90 sixth-grade elementary school students. Since three classes were gathered together, they couldn't fit in a regular classroom, so they met in the multipurpose room. This room is about the size of three regular classrooms combined. The distance to the student in the very back is about 20 meters!! Oh my god!!

A large classroom, what does this mean? That's right. It means 'if you don't raise your voice, it won't reach the back!!' It might be a size that professional teachers are used to, but I'm not a teacher! I don't have that kind of vocal projection!! I was standing and talking at first, but I started feeling dizzy 30 seconds in! I'm sorry! Please let me sit down!! I can't say I want a microphone now! I'll raise my voice and read the manuscript! I seriously thought my throat was going to collapse!!

I talked about work this time, but I will omit that part. Today's article will focus on the part about the 'back alley'.

The back alley is an important place for me too, so I made it the end of my talk so it would leave an impression on the students.

The following is what I actually said.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

〇 Finally, I will tell you a magic spell that will make you happy.

That magic spell is 'What are you talking about?' There are two ways to use this magic spell, 'What are you talking about?'

The first is magic to 'become a writer.' If you try writing a novel, you might not be able to finish it. The story might get messy, you might lose track of what you wanted to write, and you might stop writing halfway through. In such cases, please write 'What are you talking about?' at the end of the novel. If you write 'What are you talking about?' at the end, it is a wonderful spell that will make even the most chaotic story complete! If you repeat this many times, you will get better and better at writing novels and become a real writer!

The second is using 'What are you talking about?' as a password to 'wander into the world of the back alley.' There is a fun place called the 'back alley' somewhere in this world. There, residents freely engage in activities they love, such as novels, illustrations, songs, manga, and various other things. It is a fun place where residents become friends, create works together, and make lifelong best friends.

What you need to wander into that back alley is the magic spell 'What are you talking about?' You cannot enter the back alley without this magic spell.

If there is anyone who thinks they would like to go to that fun place, please look for where the back alley is. And if you can find the back alley and enter it, tell the back alley manager that 'I heard from Sou Machi and came in,' and something good might happen☆

The back alley really exists, but I will not teach you how to enter it. Please find it yourself.

Well then, I look forward to seeing you all again in the back alley!

Let's meet again~♪

(End of quote)

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

How was it? It's a piece of writing that shows off my sadistic side☆ I want only the children who seriously searched for it to find the back alley, so I intentionally left out the '#'. And I'm keeping it a secret that the back alley is on note.

The children, who have been surrounded by many adults since they were born and raised carefully with everything handed to them, were confused. Usually, they are taught everything in great detail, but they were pushed away with 'Please find it yourself.' One child muttered to themselves, 'Why... why won't you tell me?', but I want only the children who seriously searched for it to know about the back alley!!

That's why, one day, the children who seriously searched for the back alley might suddenly appear... maybe☆ At that time, Sou asks for everyone's warm welcome, as if bowing down on the ground, saying 'Welcome to the back alley! You found it well!'

#WhatAreYouTalkingAbout