Is it okay to end my career as a company employee? At 52, I started searching for myself

One morning, while heading to work, I suddenly thought.

"Am I going to keep repeating the same thing until I retire?"

I have a job.

I have a family.

I'm not struggling financially.

I have always acted as a "mother."

Making meals,
driving them around,
and getting through entrance exams together.

That was normal, and

I thought that was who I was.

Yet suddenly,
that role disappeared.

Even though my children grew up and became independent without me,

I was the one who
wondered, "What will I do from now on?"

I started to think vaguely

For some reason, I had the feeling that only my heart had been left behind.

I should have been happy, but...

At that time,

while I was watching YouTube aimlessly,

I found a certain psychological counselor.

They were someone who explained the teachings of Seikan Kobayashi and Hitori Saito

in an easy-to-understand way,

and somehow, their words just slipped right into my heart.

Things like "looking at yourself" or "the subconscious,"

honestly hadn't clicked for me until then, but

As I listened to that person's story,

it slowly began to resonate with me.

"Oh, I haven't been looking at myself at all."

And so, I decided to join a course that person was running.

For someone like me who had no motivation to do anything,

it was a small,
but certain first step.

Would this take away the emptiness I felt?

Honestly,
I didn't know if I could really change.

But just during the time I was listening to their voice,

I felt like I could breathe a little.

And since there was also a call service

By being able to express my honest feelings

A desire to change started to emerge little by little.

Strangely enough,
I began to be able to take action little by little.

I read various books,

went to lectures,

and watched every YouTube video I could find from people who interested me.

Before I knew it, I had become someone who could take action.

And, wanting to have horizontal connections (peers),

I tried subscribing to people who interested me,

and joined online salons,

trying out various things until I found a place that suited me.

Right now,
there is a place I have been going to for over three years.

I feel like I have finally found a place
where I can truly feel

that I belong.

Before I knew it, something inside me had started to change.

Back then, I wanted to change something,

but I didn't know what I should change.

But now I think.

The emptiness I felt that day

was not the end,

but perhaps it was the entrance to beginning my search for myself.

And back then, I still didn't know.

I never expected to have to face a certain emotion I had been avoiding for so long.