Light-up studio 029 Mago-shiro-dono, I am humbled. "Birdcage" Yukio Tsuji

Don't you ever suddenly feel like you are all alone? When you wake up in the morning, when you are walking down the street, when you are talking with friends...

I do.

It happens most often when I wake up, I suppose. It's not exactly a sense of loneliness, but just a feeling of being the only one in the universe. The world has become chaotic, and while there are many people in that chaos—people who are very important to me, and whom I know care for me—they, too, are buried in that chaos, and the connection I have with them seems to have vanished... that kind of state. Well, people say it's just being half-asleep.

Don't you ever feel that way?

I do.

I believe that is the natural state of the world. This world is as adrift as a stormy sea, and the connection I feel between myself and the world is merely temporary. Of course, there are the people around me and the small society I live in. But I can only think of them as islands of mirage floating in a stormy sea. Therefore, conversely, such relationships are very precious in many ways.

How did I manage to cross this sea of hodgepodge and make it this far? Without killing or being killed, without being captured or falling ill, without causing an incident or being caught up in one, how did I manage to survive until now?

I was lucky. Deep down, I think that is all there is to it.

Perhaps my Sai-baachan (my maternal grandmother), who once appeared through a medium at the Sai no Kawara, has been protecting me all this time. I truly do not believe I could have lived this long on my own strength.

Now, for today's poem.

Standing at the edge of the field, I hold an "empty birdcage." Was there a bird in the "empty birdcage"? Or am I about to catch a bird?

The "empty birdcage" I hold is at the level of my chest.

I "cannot return alone." Of course, I cannot move forward either. I was simply "trembling with loneliness / at the edge of the field / standing there."

Just like us, trembling in the chaos.

Just like me, when I am all alone.

"Mago-shiro-dono"

Hmm? Who? Mago-shiro-dono, who? Lord Mago-shiro?
For now, it is a call. Yes, I am calling out to the "Mago-shiro-dono" who is there. But, are you really there? Mago-shiro-dono?

"It was then / that my birdcage / quietly lit up / look / like / cotton candy / soft"

"It is the will-o'-the-wisp of Mago-shiro-dono"

In the pitch-black field, there, only my "birdcage" glows faintly.
A soft light, like cotton candy, is born quietly and brightly around my chest.

I have become able to see a little bit of my surroundings. Of course, that is not my own power. It is the power of "Mago-shiro-dono's will-o'-the-wisp." The power of the light of "Goshiro-dono's" soul.

"Mabishiro-dono"! Even in death, will you still be the light that illuminates my path!! I am grateful. I am so grateful!

And, Mago-shiro-dono, who are you?

Mago-shiro-dono, are you Grandma Sai? Or are you my father, who passed away at a younger age than I am now? My mother, who departed the other day? Could it be M? Is it M, who disappeared before we could even say goodbye?

When I wanted to lament that there was no one near me, many "will-o'-the-wisps" came from nowhere.

Suddenly, I realize. They did not come "from nowhere." They have always been here, right by my side all along.

It was only after I became all alone that I realized, Mago-shiro-dono. You, who quietly stayed by my side through the days of my life. The many souls who spent time with me. The many predecessors who illuminated my path.

I
encouraged by your silence
from the edge of the field, slowly
began to walk
with a faintly
glowing birdcage in my arms

I wonder if I, too, will someday be able to become someone's Mago-shiro-dono.

I wonder if I will be able to make someone's birdcage glow faintly.

I wonder if I will be able to wrap you in a softness like cotton candy.

I, too, want to become one of the will-o'-the-wisps that surround you.