I want to socialize, but I don't. What I saw beyond my true feelings.

Last weekend, my son had a competition for his extracurricular activity, and I was at the venue from morning until evening.

Even though I was there for about eight hours, my son lost in the first round of the tournament, and his turn was over in just a few minutes. I have no complaints about my son who did his best, but I felt a little bit frustrated, thinking, 'My seven hours and fifty-five minutes...'

Because of that, this week has been incredibly exhausting. Since Monday, I've been hit with a level of fatigue that usually comes on a Thursday. It's unbelievable that today is actually Thursday.

The reason I'm this tired probably isn't just because I was pushed around by the schedule.

I'm exhausted from socializing with other parentsis what it is.

I'm not good at socializing, so it's even worse. It's exhausting to talk to people, and it's exhausting to be talked to.

In complete contrast to me, the mother of a child who just started the activity recently was chatting happily with people around her and joining the circle of the long-time members, and I felt truly envious.

I'm sure someone like that exchanges LINE contacts with everyone right away and goes out for lunch together. A communication powerhouse monster.

Do people like this do it without any sense of awkwardness? Or are they putting in effort because they're new, gathering their courage to talk to people?

To my eyes, it looks like they are talking quite naturally, but I don't know the truth. They might actually be trying incredibly hard to socialize.

Why can't I do that? Why can't I try hard... for the sake of my child?

Is it because deep down, I think I don't really need to get along with them? No, I would like to get along with them if I could. But at the same time, the hassle of socializing crosses my mind. I'm afraid the conversation will stall. And it would be a pain if they turned out to be a really difficult person.

I can see myself being overly considerate, and just that alone makes me tired.

Oh, and I'm bad at remembering people's names and faces, which makes it even harder to talk to them.

If I said, 'Takeshi-kun, you won!' and they replied, 'No, Takeshi isn't my child,' that would be more than just awkward.

Hmm, am I overthinking things? Maybe I'm thinking too much and strangling myself.

Come to think of it, it's the same with note.

Whether it's a membership or some kind of project, I'm super bad at entering a circle of friends.

Deep down, there's a part of me that wants to interact more, but I just can't seem to find the courage. I want to comment, but I hold back for fear of saying something completely off-base.

Ah, here it is again, that overthinking bug slowly creeping up on me. Good grief.

I've been in Kotobato-san's membership 'Writing Club' for what, two years? Three years now? I've been taken care of for quite a long time, ever since it was a subscription magazine.

The 'Writing Club' is very comfortable. That's because Kotobato-san is flat and equal with everyone.

No matter how many writing tips I was taught, if it were a membership where a select few were getting heatedly excited, I probably would have quit a long time ago.

They don't get too involved, but they don't ignore you either. This sense of distance must have been the perfect fit for me.

Ah, I see.
I am looking for this kind of interaction!

Don't refuse those who come, don't chase those who leave. Keep a certain distance, but never forget courtesy and kindness.

Whether on note or in real life, it's okay to have that kind of 'closeness,' isn't it?

Ah, this is it.
My wish for Tanabata.

#TanabataTimeCapsule

▼ Kotobato-san's membership 'Writing Club'. Thank you as always♪