[Stress Management] For You, an Adult Child Who Finds Parenting Difficult

Happy New Year!
I am Keiko Yoshida,

a Developmental Science Communication Trainer.
I look forward to working with you again in 2023🎍

Today, I would like to share
the perfect stress management technique


for you, as an adult child.
Even though you were looking forward to it
before your child was born,
now that you are raising them,



every time your child's emotions fluctuate,
memories from your own childhood
come back vividly,
and you become filled with

the words you were told back then
and the lonely feelings

you felt at that time.
Because those lonely feelings
are not satisfied,
you feel anger

and end up yelling.
Even though you end up yelling,
deep down in your heart,
you want to be a kind


and gentle mom, don't you?
You want to be that way,
but you just can't.

This state
is very painful, isn't it?

Moms don't really want to get angry either.
However,
before you know it, you are yelling.
You end up hitting your child.

Why not try incorporating
coping strategies
to control your emotions
at such times?


Coping comes from
the English word 'cope',
and it is a stress management method
proven effective by numerous studies.


It is actually used
as a stress management tool for astronauts.
You list in advance
what kind of distractions
make you feel better


when you are stressed.
Quantity over quality!


I recommend
writing down about 100 items.
For example,
list simple things like
'listening to music,' 'reading a book,'


'going shopping,' or 'drinking water.'
Once the list is complete,
every time you feel stressed
in your daily life,


pick a distraction method from the list
that matches that stress
and carry it out.
As a result,
you judge for yourself


whether your stress actually decreased.
After doing so,
if you still feel stressed,

you can continue the same action
or switch to another action.
Noticing the relationship between your mood and actions,


and if that action was good,
repeating it
and making it a habit


is important.
As a basic rule
when practicing coping,
what I want you to always value


is not to forget the perspective of
what kind of stress
you are currently under.

It is important to objectively observe
the situation you are in


and confirm what kind of stress reactions
are appearing.
The chain of stress

originates from 'habits' of cognition.
Because of such 'habits',
moods, actions, and physical reactions chain together,
eventually causing a vicious cycle
that leads to negative cognition,


and your mood continues to worsen.
To break this vicious cycle,

first, the key is to
objectively observe yourself
and become aware of what kind of cognitive habits you have.


And, when you feel stressed,
by having a plan in place


to prevent the chain reaction caused by cognitive habits,
you stop being controlled by stress.
That is the 'basis of cognitive behavioral therapy'.
In other words,
coping, which involves objectively viewing
your own state of feeling stressed


and making a plan that suits you,
is cognitive behavioral therapy itself.
Let's try coping❣️
①
List as many


distractions as possible.
When you feel stressed,
you will consciously use


things that are feasible
depending on the situation at the time,
so the more options you have, the better◎


②
'Cognitive coping' is also OK.
Visualizing something
or imagining this and that
are also listed
as stress management methods.



This is called

'cognitive coping'.
It does not necessarily
have to involve actual action,

and you can expect effects
just by imagining it in your head.
It has a very significant meaning
for daily stress management.
Because what is important in coping


is that it is easy to continue.
Even if it is a trivial distraction,
if it is effective for stress management,
continuing it every day
will produce great results🌈
③

Carry the list with you.
It is important to deal with stress
as quickly as possible

so that it does not pile up.
Therefore, what is recommended
is to print out the 100 coping items
you listed yourself and carry it with you.

And, when you feel stressed, take it out,
choose something you can do on the spot,

and execute it.
Today, I shared three important things
about coping.

Things I actually tried
and felt were effective are

smelling lavender essential oil,
smelling peppermint essential oil,
listening to Aoi Teshima's songs,
drinking water,
and putting a cold ice pack on my forehead.

If you'd like,
please give them a try☺️

Thank you for reading
until the end🍀


See you again♩