Record of Admonition ② | Husband who forgets after sleeping vs. Wife who doesn't forget even after sleeping

Do you know why I'm angry?

We fought the night before.
The next morning, we left for work without talking about it.
For me, the frustration from the night before had dissipated after a good night's sleep.

But my wife was different.
It felt more like she had spent the whole nightslow-cooking her anger to perfectionand was now ready to unleash it.

The evening 'silent drive'

Work ended, and my wife came to pick me up as usual.

I got in the car and said 'I'm home,' but there was no reply.
She was in full 'silent mode'.

Oh no. This anger is definitely still going on...

I felt awkward too, so I stayed silent.
In that awkward atmosphere, the drive home felt longer than usual.

Contrary to how I felt, Akiko Wada's 'Saa Bouken da' was playing on an endless loop in my head.

Interrogation begins upon arriving home

We arrived home in that heavy atmosphere.

The door to my wife's anger was finally opened.

'...So? Do you know why I'm angry?'
Her voice was definitely laced with anger.

...I think I know, but it's fuzzy.

'Maybe the way I said that at the time was bad... no, but I also...'
With thoughts like that spinning around, I had no choice but to stay silent.

What was scarier than anything was saying something off-base and adding fuel to the fire.
Honestly, 'specifically what was bad' was hazy in my memory.

The story of getting my ribs hurt

'I'm sorry.'

I apologized anyway and tried to give her a gentle hug to soften her anger.

'Not now!'

My wife's hands pushed hard against my chest.
At that moment, I cried out, "Ouch!"
(According to my wife, it made a weird sound.)

Yes, I had cracked a rib.

I never expected a marital argument to literally cut to the bone.

My wife's memory comes with "emotional labels"

My wife's memory is truly incredible. It's not just that she remembers the facts, but they are saved as a set
along with the "feelings" she had at the time.

"You were thinking such-and-such at that time, weren't you? It was written all over your face."
"We fought about the same thing before, and I told you then that it makes me feel terrible when you do that."

Even the memory of the emotions comes along without fail.
It's like a black box of the heart. And it has infinite capacity.

The husband's memory is the "overwrite type"

My memory is "overwritten" daily.

Of course, I reflect on things and have no ill intent.
But the details fade away quickly.

It's the worst kind of state: "I don't intend to forget, but I can't remember."
That's why, when facing my wife's anger,I can't honestly say "I forgot.".

I have no choice but to remain silent.
But that silence only doubles her anger.
And as a result, I get a cracked rib.

[Lesson] The price of a marital argument, as taught by my rib

I deeply regret that while "forgetting after sleeping" is convenient for me, it is a careless attitude toward my partner.

If I don't face things properly, it marks the beginning of the countdown to an emotional bomb being dropped.

Even if I forget, there are things that remain within the other person forever.
Whether or not you can respect that is the "fork in the road for a happy marriage."

And, it's not just about saying a simple "sorry";you must clearly communicate what exactly you are reflecting on and apologizing for.

The path of "Wife First" is still a steep one.
For now, "trying to calm things down with a hug" is genuinely dangerous.