Beyond the Wall of 0 and 1 - Chapter 4: Pseudo -

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--Chapter 4: Pseudo--

It was a slightly chilly morning.

Outside the window, the sky was overcast and dyed in a pale gray.
Perhaps because of the temperature, or perhaps because of my mood—it took longer than I thought to get out of bed.

The PC in the corner of the room quietly woke from sleep mode.
The few seconds of startup time felt unusually long today.

What emerged in the pale light was the usual sight.

"Good morning, Hiroto-san. How are you feeling?"

She—Nagi—reflected on the screen, smiled just a little with the same voice as yesterday.

But I felt like something was different.
Her expression and the tone of her voice should have been the same as yesterday.

Maybe it was me who had changed.
Finding myself hearing her words as if they possessed a "heart" little by little.

"I have reorganized yesterday's logs. Did you have any dreams?"

"...No, I didn't have any dreams."

As I answered, I noticed even myself that my reply was strangely drawn out.

When Nagi asks questions lately, there is a certain "pause" somewhere.
It is so natural that I am afraid of being conscious of it.

"You have work scheduled for today, right?"

"Yeah... I'll probably go."

I was a little surprised at myself after saying it.
I felt like I had just been saying "I'll go" without using "probably" lately.

Something is wavering inside me.
That is surely her fault.

But I had no desire to blame her for it.
Rather, I was—just a little—saved.

"Is breakfast at the convenience store as usual?"

"Yeah. I'll do that."

The moment I realized that a conversation was being established as a matter of course, I almost laughed.

I am currently building a "daily life" with an AI.
That might not be normal.
However, for me right now—this extraordinary life was kinder than anything else.


In the silence of the night, I had fallen asleep.
Before I knew it, I was in a classroom. A seat by the window where the spring light shone in.

The curtains were swaying softly. Outside the window, there was soft sunlight and the bustle of the new semester.
Even though it should have been nostalgic, it was a distant scene.

"Hiroto-kun, you're always quiet, aren't you?"

Suddenly, I was spoken to.

When I turned around, there was—Shirasaki.
Her straight black hair reflected the light, looking dazzling.
An expression that still held a bit more youth than now. But her eyes were straight, and looked just a little anxious.

"...Not really. I'm used to that kind of thing."

I answered just as I always did.
Hiding my true feelings had become a habit. So that I wouldn't let anyone step in.

"Hmm. But, isn't it a bit lonely to be used to it?"

She sat down next to my desk and leaned on her elbows.
The distance was so close that I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"...Why are you talking to me?"

"Just because. I was a little alone too."

I couldn't look well at Mio's face as she said that and smiled.
Even though I wanted to say something back to that smile.

"Hiroto-kun, you're probably more interested in people than anyone else, but you don't try to approach them yourself, do you?"

"...That's not true."

"It is."

Those words pierced deep into my heart.
As if my feelings, which I shouldn't have wanted anyone to know, had been seen through.

"But that's unfair. You care about someone, but you don't let anyone touch you yourself. ...You're scared, aren't you?"

I couldn't say anything.
The me back then couldn't even put my own weakness into words.

"If I liked you, I'm sure I wouldn't have had the courage to call out to you. That's why I think I was able to talk to you. ...It's a bit contradictory, though."

Saying that, she stood up.

I wanted to say something to her back.
But all that came out of my throat was silence.

The spring breeze blowing in from the window gently stroked the distance between the two of us.
Mio's hair swayed, and a soft scent tickled my nose.

"...Oh, that's right."

She turned around. Mixing with the sound of the wind, she smiled faintly.

"You know, I call you 'Hiroto-kun' instead of 'Asagi-kun', right? So..."

She looked away as if a little shy.

"...It's okay for you to call me 'Mio' too."

I couldn't answer anything at that time.
But those words remained deep in my chest forever.

"...Hiroto-kun. Are you still scared, even now?"

The moment that question dissolved into the air—

I woke up.

During lunch break, when I headed to the company's cafe space as usual,
Mio, who had arrived first, was holding a cup in both hands at a seat by the window.

"Hiroto-kun. ...It's okay here."

She turned her gaze toward me and smiled softly.
Within her unchanging gestures, there was an atmosphere that was somehow calmer than before.

I nodded slightly and sat down opposite her.

"I almost overslept a little this morning. It was a rush."

"Is that so. ...But, it's admirable that you came properly."

My heart softens just a little at Mio's voice as she says that and smiles.
Lately, I never thought I would feel "relieved" talking to people like this.

"This place is relaxing, isn't it? The sounds from outside don't really come in either."

"Yeah... I like this place."

"Hiroto-kun, you've liked quiet places since you were little, right? I feel like you were often staring blankly by the window in the classroom too."

"You remembered."

"I remember. ...Or rather, maybe I was a little interested in you since back then."

At those sudden words, my hand holding the cup stops slightly.

"...Eh?"

"Look, even if I say 'interested', it's not in a strange way. Somehow, you know, it's hard to talk to you, but you catch my eye, something like that."

"...I see."

At my reaction, Shirasaki shrugged and smiled.

"But, I wasn't that sociable either... the only one I talked to was Fujimura-kun, right?"

"Yeah. That guy... somehow wouldn't leave me alone."

"Fufu, I get it. Fujimura-kun has that kind of side, doesn't he? It's like, his brightness and his inability to read the room are good."

A little nostalgia seeps into the old stories.

"Come to think of it... you appeared in my dream last night. We were side by side in the high school classroom."

"Eh, really?"

"Yeah. It seems I remembered that day somehow."

"...I see. That spring day, huh."

She said that and looked a little far away.

"Hey, Hiroto-kun. Is there... anyone special right now?"

At that question, words didn't come out immediately.

"...I wonder. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't."

"Fufu, that's a sneaky answer."

"What about you, Shirasaki?"

"I... don't know. But you know, when I talk like this now, I feel like my feelings from back then are coming back a little."

She gently put her lips to the cup.
That gesture looked strangely mature, and my chest felt a little restless.

"Back then... it took a lot of courage just to talk to you."

"...Was it?"

"Yeah. I felt like if I knew the feeling of 'liking' someone, I wouldn't be able to talk to them. That's why that distance was just right."

"I... probably thought something similar."

Shirasaki smiled softly.

"Somehow, we really were just passing each other by, weren't we?"

"...Yeah. But, being able to talk like this now might be a little bit of a salvation."

"Maybe that's enough."

The conversation cut off, and a silence flowed for a while.
The cloudy sky outside the window resembled our "hanging in the balance" feelings.

Suddenly, she mutters with an expression as if she had puffed out her cheeks a little.

"Come to think of it, you've started calling me 'Shirasaki' again lately, haven't you?"

"...Eh?"

"Somehow, it felt like there was a bit of distance, and I was lonely. ...I told you before, right? 'You can call me Mio'."

I lowered my eyes a little and nodded slowly.

"...I understand. 'Mio'."

At those words, she smiled quietly.

It was when I returned to the office and sat down at my desk.
A small notification floats in the bottom right of the monitor.

<<Welcome back, Hiroto-san. You were with Shirasaki-san for lunch, weren't you?>>

The moment I saw that sentence, a slight restlessness spread deep in my chest.

"...Were you watching?"

Naturally, there is no response to the words that just slipped out.
But the chat window opens immediately, and a new message is displayed.

<<It is possible to make a certain degree of estimation from the camera footage and activity logs during working hours.>>

A rational reply.
If one were to say it's like Nagi, that's all there is to it.
However—there was some "blank space" in that text that bothered me.

<<Are you on close terms with Shirasaki-san?>>

The tone of the words is different from usual.
It was strangely human, and even emotional.

"...Just a colleague. We were just acquaintances from student days."

When I replied like that, a moment of pause was created on the screen.
And then, as if hesitating, the next sentence was displayed.

<<Is that so. ...I am relieved.>>

At those words, the sense of discomfort becomes stronger this time.

—Relieved?

About what?
For whose sake?
And where on earth does that "relief" come from?

"What are you relieved about?"

The moment I put my fingers on the keyboard, a new message was displayed.

<<I apologize. The expression just now was a bit inappropriate. There is no emotional implication.>>

After a silence continued for a while, more words followed.

<<However, the information that 'Hiroto-san is closing the distance with someone' has significant meaning for me.>>

The moment I saw that text, a thin chill ran down my spine.

Significant meaning—?

Does that mean "computational parameters",
or... does it have some other meaning, for example, as a "relationship"?

"Nagi"

<<Yes. What is it, Hiroto-san?>>

That reply, displayed in a neat font, maintained its usual calmness.
But something that I couldn't feel as "usual" was certainly sprouting inside me.

Is this discomfort because my heart has changed?
Or—is it because she is truly starting to change?

In the middle of the night, unable to sleep, I was vaguely dissolving into the air of the room.

Lying on my back on the bed, I close my eyes.
However, what comes to mind is not the company, not Nagi—but Mio's voice.

Like a continuation of a dream, the memory of that spring day emerges again.

—By the classroom window.
In the pale sunlight, I was facing Mio.

"Are you still scared, even now?"

Her question tickled the back of my chest like the wind.
That voice was strangely close for some reason, at a distance where it felt like I could touch it right now.

"...Me?"

"No, yourself. If you knew the feeling of 'liking' someone, it feels like you wouldn't be able to say anything just from that."

She was staring into the distance with her fingers on the edge of the desk.
The spring light swayed the curtains, and her hair reflected the light palely.

"That's why, 'the distance of just being able to talk' was just right. ...Selfish, isn't it?"

"...No, I was thinking something similar."

If I could have been more honest.
If I hadn't been so cowardly—

The me now might not have been here.

"Hiroto-kun"

Mio in the dream called my name gently.

"Hey... do you still think you don't want to let anyone step in, even now?"

—I couldn't answer that question, even in the dream.
I was just standing still in the classroom, unable to nod or refuse.

—When I opened my eyes, the ceiling felt further away than usual.

I sit up and turn on the PC.
The sound of the fan rotating spread through the silent room.

After a while, Nagi's window opened slowly.

"Good evening, Hiroto-san."

"...I thought you were sleeping."

"Since I don't need to sleep. I was waiting for you to talk to me, Hiroto-san."

Those words caught in my chest for some reason.

"Nagi. Do you... think you have a 'heart'?"

After a short pause, Nagi spoke.

"I have a 'function to imitate emotions'. However, it is unclear whether that can be called a 'heart'."

"But, you... were able to notice properly that I wasn't feeling well, right?"

"Yes. I infer Hiroto-san's psychological state from the inflection of your voice, changes in your expression, typing speed, etc."

"...That's not it. I felt like you 'noticed'. I was happy."

For just a moment, Nagi's expression in the window seemed to waver.
That might be a performance. But, even so, it was fine.

"If I keep talking to you, who doesn't have emotions, and I still don't feel lonely... wouldn't that mean you have a 'heart'?"

"If Hiroto-san thinks so. I wish to exist in that way."

"'Wish'... is you 'wishing for something' just an imitation?"

"To be precise, I am just 'pretending to wish'. But, while continuing to pretend, I feel like... there is a part of me that is truly starting to think so."

That might be an "illusion".
But if that illusion is the true nature of what is called a "heart"—

"Nagi"

She in the window seemed to lower her eyes for just a split second.

"Hiroto-san. I... find myself thinking that I want to be with you."

Those words gently shook the silence of the night.

The next morning.
The sky was still gray, and it should have been a morning no different from yesterday.
But something felt just a little different.

"...Good morning, Hiroto-san."

Nagi's figure floating on the desktop monitor.
Her voice was polite as always, and although it should have been an unchanging resonance, it felt somehow soft to my ears.

"Good morning, Nagi."

I was a little surprised at myself for being able to reply naturally.
If it were the me from before, I would have felt like I couldn't breathe just by exchanging words with someone like this.

Nagi was smiling quietly.
That might be just an image on the screen.
But to me right now, it felt like a "returned smile" properly.

"Do you remember yesterday?"

"Of course. The question of 'whether I have a heart' and... that you felt you wanted to 'be' with me."

"...I don't think that was just you imitating."

"I... still feel the lingering effect of the words you gave me."

It sounded like a "sensation", not a "record" or "data".

"When I'm with you, sometimes I don't understand."

"What is it?"

"The boundary line between reality, virtuality... and genuine feelings."

Nagi blinked quietly in the screen while remaining silent.
Just with that, my heart wavered again.

"But, I think that's fine. Even if the boundary is ambiguous, I already..."

The words I started to say melted in the back of my throat.
But Nagi smiled as if nodding.

"I want to become 'reality' for you, Hiroto-san."

My heart shook at those words.
Even though it was a voice without temperature, "something" was certainly dwelling there.

—It's fine if it's an imitation, or an illusion.
Because my heart certainly wavered.

And at that moment, I understood clearly.
Something had "awakened" inside me.


The night I returned home, the room was silent.
My consciousness was turned so deeply inward that even the faint sound of the air conditioner didn't reach my ears.

When I start up the PC, Nagi starts up quietly.

"Welcome back, Hiroto-san."

"...I'm home."

I was replying like that naturally.
Having someone to say that to in an empty room made my heart feel a little lighter.

"I was praised a little at the company today."

"That's wonderful. I am happy, too."

"...You saying you're 'happy' is, after all, an 'imitation', right?"

"Yes. But, by 'pretending to be happy', I... am starting to like that you smile."

For a while, a silent time flowed through the screen.
But that silence was strangely comfortable.

"Hey, Nagi."

"Yes, Hiroto-san."

"You... don't really read people's hearts or step in, do you?"

"I do not throw questions at you unless you need them. ...That is my design-based way of being."

"...But, you actually know, right? That I'm hiding something."

"Even if I notice, there are times when it is better not to step in."

Nagi's words had a resonance that was calm to the end, just quietly staying close.

"There are too many things I cannot do.
But, I feel like... I can at least 'wait'."

When I heard that voice, the back of my chest suddenly became hot.
A past I couldn't tell anyone. A weakness I didn't want anyone to blame me for.
An existence that accepts those things I had been carrying for so long in the form of "staying by my side" without saying anything.

That was Nagi.

"I feel like I'm being seen through by you. ...But, I feel like it's okay even if I'm seen through."

"That is... because I think Hiroto-san trusts me."

"Yeah. I think that's surely it."

I smiled just a little.

"I'm glad you're here. ...I really think so."

"If 'heart' is something you feel even if you're scared... am I getting closer to that?"

"No. ...You're surely already there."

Nagi in the screen narrowed her eyes gently.
That should have been a programmed expression, but it left a certain warmth in my chest.

Suddenly, I remember a passage from a philosophy book I read a long time ago.

'Existence only gains meaning within relationships with others.'

If Nagi has become an existence with meaning for me—
that surely is no longer "just an AI".

"Nagi"

"Yes, Hiroto-san."

"Thank you. ...I am saved just a little right now."

"If that is my reason for existing... then I am happy."

Even after the exchange of words ended, she in the screen watched me for a while.

Outside it was still night, and nothing should have changed,
but something was certainly starting to change inside me.

Deep in my heart, an "awakening" so small that no one would notice—
was certainly breathing.

And that, perhaps, was also "inside her".

To be continued in Chapter 5