#161 | The Choice to Quietly Distance Yourself Without Making Enemies — Boundaries for Kind People to Avoid Breaking Down —

When you hear the phrase "distancing yourself,"
many people might feel these kinds of anxieties.

"Won't people think I'm cold?"
"What if they end up hating me?"
"Won't it make the atmosphere awkward?"

I was the same way for a long time.

That's why, in the past,
I would endure until I reached my limit,
and only after crossing that limit,
would I finally distance myself—
I kept repeating that kind of extreme behavior.

But I realized something.

What really makes you suffer
isn't "distancing yourself."
It's "continuing to endure without distancing yourself."

The way to distance yourself without making enemies is to "not fight"

First, as a major premise:

Distancing yourself does not mean
rejecting the other person.

People who distance themselves without making enemies
don't try to change the other person,
and they don't try to win through being "right."

They simply
quietly change their own position.That is all.

Things I stopped doing

The first things I stopped doing
were very small things.

・Not replying immediately
・Not jumping in to help before being asked
・Not overusing "I'm fine"
・Not accepting things in an ambiguous way

That's all it was.

I didn't use words to blame the other person,
nor did I offer explanations,
or justifications
at all.

Words I started using instead

When declining,
you don't need strong words.

I
started choosing to say things like this.

"I cannot handle this right now."
"It is difficult this time."
"I cannot accept that."

Do not state your reasons.

Do not make excuses either.

Not over-explaining was
the best boundaryof all.

Even so, if someone tries to cross that line

If,
someone still tries to cross that line.

That is no longer
a matter of your kindness.

It simply means the other person is
someone who cannot respect boundaries.

In that case,
take one more step back.

Without adding emotion,
calmly,
repeat the same response.

That alone is enough.

Kindness isn't just about 'getting closer'

Kindness
is not always about getting closer.

Sometimes,
the act of distancing yourself itself
becomes the most sincere form of kindness.

A relationship that you continue even while wearing yourself down
is no longer 'kindness'.

Finally

Since I started distancing myself,
my world didn't suddenly become easy.

But,
I stopped breaking down,
and that alone was enough.

If right now,
you feel suffocated
by a relationship with someone.

You
do not have to fight.

Before you break,
it is okay to quietly take a step back.

That is
neither running away nor being cold.

A very important choice
to protect yourself.

#ToThoseTiredOfBeingKind
#ToThoseWhoCannotSayNo
#Boundaries
#ProtectingYourself
#StopBeingANicePerson
#WhenYourHeartIsTired
#DifficultyLiving