11th Session | The 7 Habits [Dialogue Edition] | Embracing the 'Self That Couldn't Choose' | Chatting with God
"It's okay to have regrets."
Hello, this is Hao Papa.
The book I'm covering this time is...
"Chatting with God" by Mitsuro Sato
As I turned the pages, one sentence made me stop.
"It's okay to have regrets."
These are the words of the God who appears in the story.
In the story, this line appears in a scene where what one thinks is right and what one thinks is wrong are both actually correct, yet contradictions still arise.
You don't have to choose one or the other. You can accept the contradiction as it is.
That feeling was quietly conveyed from beyond the pages.
I was blaming the 'self that couldn't choose'
I think my heart was moved because there was a snag inside me, a feeling that 'Oh, this is about me.'
Ever since I learned about being 'proactive' in The 7 Habits, I have cherished the phrase, 'Between stimulus and response, there is a space where our freedom to choose lies.' However, as that awareness grew stronger, I became bothered by the self that couldn't choose well. I got angry. I felt depressed. I stayed in a bad mood—every time that happened, I would sigh in my heart, 'Where did the self that tried to choose proactively go?'
Before I knew it, trying to polish my 'proactivity' had turned into 'criticism of the self that couldn't choose its response.'
The first habit and self-acceptance quietly overlapped
Reading the words in 'Chatting with God,' I gradually realized something.
That perhaps acknowledging the 'self that couldn't choose' is also a part of proactivity.
There is a term in Adlerian psychology called 'self-acceptance.' This does not mean 'only acknowledging the self that succeeded,' but rather 'accepting the self that couldn't do it as the self you are right now.'
The 'freedom between stimulus and response' that the first habit teaches us—when you cannot use this freedom, the next thing you can do might be to first accept that version of yourself.
Proactivity without self-acceptance eventually turns into self-criticism.
This realization felt like a new paradigm for me. The framework of 'I must always choose perfectly' felt like it loosened a little.
I have written an article before about a similar feeling—situations where 'everything is correct' collide. Please feel free to read it as well if you like.
My past self and my current self
I feel that when I first started learning, I interpreted 'being proactive' as 'being able to choose calmly at all times.'
But now, it's a little different. There are days when I can choose calmly, and days when I cannot. I have come to think that both are 'in the process of trying to be proactive.'
It is okay to have regrets, and it is okay to feel down. Even so, you can just look up again.
I am also starting to think that this feeling of 'moving forward while swaying' might be closer to the essence of Inside-Out.
What kind of words are you saying to your 'self that couldn't do it' right now?
Information on the 7 Habits® Practice Group
'I blame myself for not being able to choose'—are you carrying that wavering feeling all by yourself?
The more you learn about proactivity, the more you notice the self that cannot do it. There is a place where we can bring that frustration together.
It is not a place to provide answers, but a practice group that values 'continuing to think while swaying.' Even if there are days when things don't go well, it is okay to come here. Why don't we spend some time together where you can feel that way?
▶ Details and application for the Practice Group
https://haopapa.my.canva.site/7habits-jissenkai-note
Related habits and principles
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Basic Principle: Freedom of choice between stimulus and response
Basic Principle: Paradigm and Paradigm Shift
#7Habits #Habit1 #Proactivity #SelfAcceptance #AdlerianPsychology #ParadigmShift #Reading #ChattingWithGod #Dialogue #Coaching