Two Days Worth of Two Years

Surprise, surprise, and SURPRISE!!

My third-year middle school son
went to school in the morning.

He decided for himself
and went on his own.

It was an
extraordinary determination.

He had been bedridden for the previous week.
Seeing him in such pain,
I didn't know what to do,
and watching him
was painful for me too.

This week,
in the middle of the night,
he knocked
on my room door.

When he came in,
he started to talk about his thoughts.

After listening to everything,
we decided
to start
with what he could do.

He had found
a "dream".

So,
"going to school" was
not the goal,
but a stepping stone
to make his dream come true,
and he was going to take on the challenge.

Now 15 years old,
he had become
strong,
kind,and resilient.

He started going to school yesterday.
A rainy morning.
We had a relaxed breakfast,
and I sent him off.
It was the first time since April of his first year of middle school
that he attended all six periods.

He
did his best.
He said that at one point, he felt like crying
because he couldn't understand the lesson at all.

He
didn't cry.
It seems that when he was struggling,
the student sitting next to him
helped him out.

His homeroom teacher also
showed concern, saying, "Are you okay? You don't have to push yourself."

He said he was happy
and felt reassured.

At dismissal time,
his homeroom teacher called me.
He told me how he was doing, saying, "I thought you might be worried, Mom."

He raised his hand
during class.
He did his lunch duty.
He participated in sports festival practice.

He is doing so incredibly well.
Is he really okay?

More than feeling happy,
I wanted to see him,
so during my break,
I walked toward home.
It was still
drizzling.

Walking down the hill,
near the traffic light before our house,
I spotted a familiar school uniform.

I started running.
He noticed me too,
and ran toward me.

Near the traffic light,
with our umbrellas in the way,
we hugged with smiles.
My son is
much taller than me now.
But he still has that adorable smile.
He must have tried so hard.
A parent-child hug
is just right when umbrellas get in the way.
Since we couldn't get too close,
I don't think any drivers waiting at the light
wondered what was going on,
thinking 'What? What?'

When our eyes met, my son
smiled and said,
'I was able to attend school for the whole day!'

I'm so happy for you.
That's great.
Mom is relieved, too.

After that, for the five minutes it took to get home,
he told me
about what happened today.

He did more than enough.
And
he said he felt like crying many times.
He told me he raised his hand,
thinking he had to do his best right now.

Ah,
that is more than enough.
That is what Mom thinks.

The next day,
it was raining again.

He put on his raincoat and rode his bike to school.
He must have had various anxieties, but
I watched his back as he left, feeling that he would be able to overcome them.

In the evening, my cell phone rang at work.
It was my son after school.

His theme for today was to convey 'Thank you, I'm sorry, and Please.'

He had been attending a separate room once a week. He would study on his own for an hour, eat school lunch, and then go home.
There were classmates who brought that lunch from the classroom to the separate room.
He apparently went around to each of them, asking for their names from the person sitting nearby, and said to each one, 'Thank you for bringing me lunch.'

And,
he went to apologize to the advisor of the track and field club,
which he had joined once in April,
saying, 'I'm sorry I haven't been able to participate in club activities.'

And,
he went to tell his math teacher,
'I really can't finish the workbook, so please let me turn it in next week.'

He is too amazing.
Really,
really.
Is he really my child?

Today, too,
he felt like crying in despair because he couldn't understand the class.
Even so, he said he remembered the various people who told him, 'It's okay. Don't push yourself,' and managed to get through it.

And,
what he learned in Japanese class
really resonated with him.
It seems it was a story about Confucius.
It seems it really hit home for him right now.
(I'll ask him to show me his textbook tomorrow to see what it was about.)

What I see in my son's expression.

Tension, anxiety, and despair
appear and disappear,
and appear again.
A face like cloudy weather with occasional rain.

And yet,

gratitude for the people who support him,
expectations for himself as he takes on challenges,
and the excitement for
the new experiences
he might be able to have from now on.
A pleasant, 15-year-old face like a clear blue sky.
It's dazzling.

I never thought
the day would come
when I would see
my son like this.

No matter what happens,
no matter how things turn out,
you will be okay.
That is what I have thought
for the past two years.

In the life
that is about to begin
for you again,
I
will continue to feel
the same way.

My son is a person from the "Thank You" planet, so
I feel that my life will continue to be filled with "thank yous" from here on out.

The two days worth of two years ended
on a Friday night.

The time
that was packed so tightly
felt long.

From here on out,
for my son and me,
these will remain
two unforgettable days
that were both too painful
and too happy.