♻️ "What if I had made a different choice back then?" — How the movie 'Blank Canvas' teaches us to process regret and happiness
"What if I had chosen a different path back then?"
Don't such questions pop into your mind unexpectedly?
When you reach your 50s or 60s and look back on the past, you realize that the decisions you made back then are what led to your current life.
But at the same time, deep in your heart, "regret" also lies dormant.
The movie 'Blank Canvas' (original work by Akiko Higashimura) is a story that sheds light on that regret.
※Contains some spoilers!
In 'Blank Canvas',
the protagonist Akiko is forced to make life choices in various situations.
While watching, there were several scenes where I thought,
I wonder what would have happened if she had made a different life choice.
This time, I will pick three of them and think about
life choices!!
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Character Introduction
Akiko (ENFP: The Dreamer)
Loves manga. Straightforward with her emotions, sometimes gets lost.
Hidaka-sensei (ESTJ: The Strict Mentor)
Her catchphrase is "Draw!". A demon-like teacher who has love hidden beneath her strictness.
Family and Friends (ISFJ: The Supporters)
People who watch over Akiko warmly, even while sometimes being exasperated by her.
Synopsis
Akiko, a girl aiming for art school, meets Hidaka-sensei and spends her days crying while continuing to draw sketches.
Driven by the voice saying "Draw!", she runs away many times, but eventually starts her journey as a manga artist—a story of effort and the bond between teacher and student.
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① Did she really love drawing?
In front of a plaster cast, she runs her pencil for hours. Her hand goes numb, and tears well up.
She was thought by
"she loves drawing"
by Hidaka-sensei.
But what she was truly obsessed with was "manga".
Weaving stories through manga.
Sketching was agonizing.
The regret is spending time desperately on something she didn't even like.
The art class she continued without quitting.
I even thought, "Why don't you quit?"
But,
thanks to that, she acquired
foundational skills and grit. That became a
major weapon for her later as a manga artist.
Don't run away from things you dislike!!
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② The day I went home by faking illness. What if I hadn't gone home?
One day, Akiko fakes an illness to go home. She heads to the bus stop saying,
“I can't do it today.”
Worried about her on the way home,
Teacher Hidaka chases after her!
Even though
Teacher Hidaka is usually a Spartan with not a shred of kindness!
Furthermore,
Teacher Hidaka gives her a piggyback ride to the bus stop.
Whether she realized it was a fake illness or not, it is a famous scene where you feel the big, big back of
Teacher Hidaka.
What if she hadn't gone home and stayed instead?
Her skills would surely have improved faster.
But her heart might have broken.
But
I think there must have been great, great meaning in
feeling the teacher's big, big back.
Being able to return even after running away.
That experience cultivated “a self that can recover even after breaking.”
And
true consideration for others
—I wonder if she was able to learn that at the same time.
⸻
③ Not being able to live up to the master
Teacher Hidaka had a wish:
“I want to hold a solo exhibition with this child.”
However, that
dream was not fulfilled.
She succeeded as a manga artist, but she could not meet the expectations of
Teacher Hidaka. This is
painful regret. But she
continued to leave her work to society in the form of manga. Not in a solo exhibition, but on the pages of books and magazines, she continued to respond to the teacher's words.
To fulfill Teacher Hidaka's dream
by continuing to draw manga
I thought about how she is delivering happiness to many people in the world
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The happiness chosen, the happiness given up, and the regret carried
① The time I couldn't say "I like manga"
② The weakness of running away with a fake illness
③ The guilt of not being able to live up to the master's dream
Even so—.
I gained foundational skills, learned the strength to recover, and grasped the happiness of leaving manga behind for the world.
Life is made up of the "happiness we chose," the "happiness we gave up on," and the "regrets" we cannot erase.
And I realized that how we assign meaning to these things changes who we are today.
—
Happiness is a collection of processed pasts
Regret cannot be erased.
But it can be processed.
"That was a necessary detour."
"I was able to keep going because I ran away that day."
"Even the dreams I couldn't fulfill are connected in other ways."
By reinterpreting things this way, the past becomes the ingredients for happiness.
When you reach your 50s and 60s, the number of regrets increases.
But how you process them changes the flavor of your life.
The movie 'Blank'teaches us this.
Happiness is not in the future, but in the accumulation of a processed past.
—
In conclusion
Not being able to live up to my mentor.
Giving up on a dream.
Running away.
All of these things shape who we are.
So, once again today, I want to keep taking small steps so that my future self can say, "I was happy."