🎗️ Being a daughter, being a mother—a summer day when I, as an HSP, felt shaken
🧺 A "new normal" for my hospitalized father
Since my father was hospitalized, one new "job" has been added to my daily routine.
That is, going to the hospital periodically to pick up his laundry.
It is a 90-minute trip each way.
It takes physical effort, but it is a task I can get through if I just do it calmly.
That is why it is still on the "easier" side.
More than that, what weighs heavily and gradually on my heart is—
the almost daily phone calls from my father.
"I understand you're lonely. But does it really have to be me?"
Such thoughts occasionally cross my mind.
🚗 "I've decided to get rid of the car."—The day I stood frozen at my mother's words
Then one day, I received a surprising message from my mother.
"I've decided to get rid of the car."
When I asked why, my mother said this:
"After your father is discharged, I don't want to drive him to his appointments.
If I don't have a car, I can just say I 'can't do it,' right?"
—Honestly, I was speechless.
My parents' home is in the deep countryside.
Without a car, it is a place where you cannot go to the hospital or the supermarket.
Yet, my mother was trying to make the extreme choice of "getting rid of the car."
"What will you do if you get sick? You won't even be able to go to the hospital.
You might not even be able to go see your grandchildren."
I asked her quietly.
At first, my mother wouldn't listen at all.
But little by little—I could feel my mother's feelings unraveling.
● Being afraid of what others think
● Not wanting to be seen as a "wife who doesn't drive her husband"
● Still, not wanting to be involved in my father's care
My mother finally told me about these complex feelings.
"Maybe it's not the time to get rid of it yet."
When my mother said that, I finally felt relieved, contacted the car dealer, and canceled the disposal.
And then, I drove the 90 minutes back to my parents' home.
👪 Divorced, but still living together. The "shape of family" found there
My parents are divorced, but they still live together without being legally married.
The reason—because they cannot make ends meet otherwise.
There are probably many circumstances I don't know about.
But living together while bickering must be painful for both of them.
My father, who doesn't listen to others and tries to force his own opinions.
My mother, who is emotionally volatile and immediately negative.
It is always my role to stand between the two of them.
"If I act, things will settle down."
"If I just endure it..."
That is how, before I knew it, I ended up taking on the role of the "mediator."
🌡️ Just when that happens, my daughter gets sick...
To make matters worse, my daughter then fell ill.
I rushed her to the hospital, and while nursing her, I was also handling calls from my parents—
That day was truly a day where I carried multiple roles at once: "daughter," "mother," and "caregiver."
🌙 As an HSP, I am always with my "overthinking self"
With my HSP temperament, I react immediately to people's expressions and changes in the atmosphere.
And I always end up thinking things like:
"Am I doing this right?"
"Am I making someone uncomfortable?"
"I have to try harder."
By putting myself last and staying on edge like that—
before I knew it, I had lost sight of my own "inner sanctuary."
💬 A word for today
It's okay to be tired.
It's okay to stop, or to cry.
It's okay if there are days when you can't be kind.
Because we—
are already doing enough.
🧡 Thank you for reading until the end
If you, too, are a "daughter," a "mother," and also "someone's support"—
I would be happy if these thoughts could resonate with your heart, even just a little.
The connections here have become my own "emotional refuge."
Your comments and "likes" are always such a source of encouragement.
I look forward to continuing this journey with you.🌷