[A Breath of Saturday] My Mother with Dementia Goes Missing | The Story of the "Safety Net" Our Family Learned on a Day When the Smartphone Wouldn't Work
"When things pile up, for some reason, they all come at once."
Hello.
I'm Hitomi Kumano, a mom in my late thirties.
In our family, we have a 4-year-old son with ASD,
and at my parents' house, there is my mother with dementia and
(likely) my father who has ASD traits.
...Well, every day is a little adventure.
Last week, on top of that,
✅️ A pickup call from daycare
✅️ Procedures at the city office
✅️ And my mother going missing
all happened to overlap perfectly.
In life, there are days that are like a "bulk sale" of events, aren't there?
If possible, I'd like them in installments.
But that day, we learned one thing.
That there are things you can do before wandering begins.
About my 4-year-old son | A lightning-fast recovery from suspected vomiting and diarrhea
My 4-year-old son is,
✅️ Diagnosed with ASD
✅️ Has ADHD traits
✅️ Has DCD (Developmental Coordination Disorder) traits
Last week, a pickup call from daycare.
"It might be vomiting and diarrhea..."
Yeah, great timing.
I asked my husband to take them to the hospital.
The result was—
Just a stomach bug.
We got probiotics, and by the next day, the stool was normal.
Besides, they were full of energy that same day.
Precisely because it was the week my mother went missing,
I was truly relieved by the fact that it was a "mild case."
The day my mother with dementia went missing
Actually, I only found out that my mother had gone missing
after she had already been found.
She was safe, without any injuries.
But behind the scenes, this is what happened.
The trigger was the smartphone
✅️ My mother installed a suspicious app, and the smartphone became unusable
✅️ Discovered 10 minutes before my sister left for a hospital checkup
✅️ Left the house after saying, "I booked a shop appointment for the day after tomorrow. I can't be reached today because of the checkup. Please write it down."
Here is the problem.
My mother cannot retain short-term memory.
✅️That she went to the hospital now
✅️That she received her medication
She forgets that in an instant.
Even if I say "write it down," if she doesn't do it right then and there, it vanishes.
And as luck would have it, my father was also away.
This is probably what happened:
1. She tries to use her smartphone
2. She can't use it
3. She calls my sister
4. It doesn't connect
5. "That's right, I'll walk to the mobile phone shop"
On the way—
💭Wait, what did I come here for?
She borrowed a phone at a supermarket and contacted our home.
My father is likely on the ASD spectrum.
✅️"Keep an eye on the pot" → He just looks at it
✅️"Keep an eye on the weather" → He just looks outside
He doesn't connect it to "what comes next."
This time, too,
✅️Call the supermarket back
✅️Contact me
—the idea didn't occur to him.
As a result, my sister grasped the situation after her check-up.
She contacted the supermarket and arranged a taxi.
Mother returned home.
And I learned about that sequence of events through my sister's message.
First solo outing after returning her driver's license
Until now,
Since she returned her license, she almost never went out when my sister wasn't there, except for light walks.
However,
being unable to use her smartphone
was the trigger for this unforeseen situation.
What I did immediately | Safety net procedures
So, I went to the city office.
This is, so to speak, a
regional cooperation system for when someone gets lost.
My reliable teacher Charlie (ChatGPT) suggested this as one of the options after narrowing down what could be done at this stage.
If she goes missing,
the city office, police, fire department, local shops,
and others can coordinate to help search for her.
Furthermore,
✅️ How much of the area to disclose
✅️ Whether or not to disclose it online
can also be chosen.
My mother cares about appearances,
so she was even worried about the day service starting and the day service vehicle picking her up and dropping her off.
Even so, nothing is more important than her life.
In preparation for unforeseen situations, we decided to disclose it online as well.
Things I am considering for the future
✅️ Introducing shoes with GPS
✅️ Clarifying the communication flow
✅️ Redesigning specific instructions for my father
Not after wandering starts, but
Do what you can before it begins.
Thoughts on Caregiving x Developmental Child-rearing
When things pile up, they really pile up.
But,
✅️I could rely on my husband
✅️My son had a mild case
✅️My mother was safe
It wasn't all bad.
That's why I think:
It doesn't have to be perfect.
One step at a time is fine.
Do what you can, one thing at a time
The paperwork for the safety net was,
honestly, a process that made me feel unsettled.
But,
it became a charm that says, "If something happens, I'll have a little peace of mind."
Preparation isn't about reducing anxiety to zero.
It's about reducing the panic, just a little bit.
A song that supported me through that unsettling week
During that week when my heart couldn't find peace,
there was a song I played over and over.
It's a song that Ru-chan made for Arara (our child with developmental differences), but
I'm the one who is saved by it the most😂
Thank you, Ru-chan.
I think music is like a first-aid kit.
Summary | The Key to Dementia Wandering Countermeasures is "Proactive Preparation"
What I Learned This Time
✔ Smartphone trouble can be a trigger
✔ "Please write it down" might not get through
✔ We need to redesign based on the characteristics of our family members
✔ Establish local safety nets early
💭 I'd like to ask you
If a family member suddenly went missing,
would your current system be okay?
Precisely because things are "still okay" right now,
is there one thing you could do?
If you'd like, please share your measures or experiences
in the comments.
It will surely bring peace of mind to someone.
I wrote this time about measures for my mother with dementia, but
when my child reaches elementary school age,
I might especially need measures for my child too (crying)
🐻❄️.｡.:・ﾟ💫 .｡.:・ﾟ🦝.｡.:・ﾟ💫 .｡.:・ﾟ🎤
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