The traits of the ultimate woman whom men instinctively recognize as being in a higher league♡

You can watch it here.

Kizuko-san
I want to be treated by men as
having a higher rank as a woman.

Goro-san
What's wrong, Kizuko-san?

Kizuko-san
Yesterday, I was having dinner with my boyfriend at a nice hotel.
Then, there was a woman there who was being treated
so, so carefully...

Goro-san
What kind of woman was she?

Kizuko-san
She was being given a present by the man she was with,
and when she stood up from her seat, a male staff member immediately came over smoothly.
She was also gathering a lot of attention from the men around her...
Honestly, my boyfriend's gaze was also drawn to her.

Goro
So there was a woman there who was clearly being given 'special treatment' by all the men present.

Kizuko-san
That woman, even though she wasn't being flashy,
it felt like the very air around her was being cherished...
When I saw that,
I couldn't help but think,
'Oh, what is different between her and me?' 💦

Goro
Yeah...
That's a sense of unease that not only you, Kizuko-san,
but many women have felt at least once.

Kizuko-san
Even though it was a special hotel dinner,
I ended up feeling really bad 💦

Goro
I see.
But you know, actually, whether a man treats a woman
as 'being in a higher league' or not
is largely based on what the man feels unconsciously.
Today, I'm going to talk about
'the traits of women whom men instinctively recognize as being in a higher league'

Kizuko-san
Please do.

-------------------------------------------------------

I'm Goro Tameike, a love therapist for women who are easily hurt.

The theme this time is
'The traits of women whom men recognize as being in a higher league',
but...

If you look at this word 'higher league'only on the surface,
there is a big pitfall.

Even if you say you want to be a woman in a higher league
or a woman of high rank,

for example, is it enough to improve your appearance
to catch men's eyes more than other women,
or to have a job or income
that the man respects?

Of course,
I think you all understand that those elements,
like appearance, are important.

However, among such women,
there are those who only make men feel tense,
those who end up being just beautiful people,
those who are met with hostility from men,
or those who are not interested in them at all.

In that case,
even if they are thought to be in a higher league,
I feel it is meaningless.

Therefore, it is important to know the
true purpose behind the desire to be seen as being in a higher league.

So, why do you
want to be treated as being in a higher league by men,
or want to be treated as a high-ranking woman?

That is, as mentioned earlier
in Kizuko-san's words,

because you want to be treated with care.

And what I have felt after listening to many
sensitive women so far is,

that deep down in that desire to be treated with care,
there is a wish to obtain absolutesecurity.

“I want to gain security by being someone who is thought of as, 'I must treat this person with proper care.'”

This is the true nature of a sensitive woman's
“psychology of wanting to be in a higher league.”

Here, I will organize
one important thing.

In this world, there are certainly:
・Very beautiful women
・Women who seem to have money
・Women in desirable professions
.

At first glance, they look like they would be
“treated as being in a higher league,” right?

But in reality—
even if they are equally beautiful, there are
women who are treated with careand
women who are just treated with caution.

Even if they have the same high specs, there are
people who become someone men don't want to let go ofand
people who are kept at a distance.

What do you think is the difference?
Actually, that is where the essence of being thought of as in a higher league—that is, being treated with care—lies.

--------------------------------------------------------

What is the essence of being treated with care?

So, what is the
“essence of being treated with care”?

Even if men consciously look at
appearance, occupation, income, and specs
—these "easy-to-understand conditions"—

in reality, subconsciously,
they are sensing something completely different.

And what is that, you ask?

It is "what state they are in"
when they are with that woman.

That is it.

For example,
・Can they be without feeling nervous?
・Can they be their natural selves?

A man's brain senses these "states"
much faster and more subconsciously
than the content of the conversation or their appearance.

This is a well-known fact
in the worlds of psychology and neuroscience,

and it is a characteristic that when people evaluate others,
they tend to use "how they feel when they are with that person"
as their standard, rather than "the person themselves."

Therefore,
being able to create this "state of feeling safe when together"
is the key.

Being considered in a higher league = being cherished.
That is the essence of it.

So, what kind of person is able to create a state where one feels safe when together?

For example, it is a woman like this: someone with whom
the other person doesn't have to try too hard,
doesn't try to over-analyze the other's mood,
isn't too close but also not too distant,
and doesn't judge or evaluate even if the other person complains.
And above all, she doesn't force the vibe of
"What do you think of me?" onto the other person.

When a man is with a woman like this,
he subconsciously feels,
"I am safe in front of this person."

What is important here is that this is
not about techniques, conversational skills, or acting relaxed.

A sense of security
is not something you create by trying hard.

It is actually the opposite;
it is something that naturally exudes
from a state of not trying to control the other person.

So, why is it that some people
give a sense of security without doing anything,
while others, no matter how much they pay attention,
create an atmosphere that makes others feel like they have to walk on eggshells?

The difference is not in personality, charm,
or innate strength.

In psychology,
the foundation that creates this difference
is called attachment style.

Attachment style refers to
the pattern of 'how your heart reacts when you enter into an intimate relationship with someone.'
That is what it is.

Among these,
・not clinging too much to the other person,
・not pushing them away too much,
・and not being consumed by the anxiety of being together.
This balanced state is called
a secure attachment style.

People with a secure style
unconsciously sense 'what state the other person and I are in right here, right now'
rather than 'what the other person thinks of me.'

Therefore, as a result,
the person they are with also feels at ease and doesn't have to force anything.

And, they naturally feel,
'I must not treat this person carelessly.'

Conversely,
no matter how beautiful you are or how good your conditions are,
・if anxiety is strongly seeping through,
・if you are forcing yourself to act composed,
・or if the distance is too close or too far,

in a man's mind,
it is actually not uncommon for the impression to shift to
'someone who requires caution,' 'someone difficult to deal with,' or 'someone who is somehow exhausting.'

Many people think,
'I am treated well because I look like I'm in a higher league.'
But in reality, it is the opposite.

You are not treated well because you look like you are in a higher league;
because you unconsciously create a 'state' that makes them want to treat you well,
you look like you are in a higher league as a result.
This is the true order.

And the true identity of that
'inner state that makes others want to treat you well'
is not appearance, title, or specs, but
a state where your attachment style is secure.

In other words,
・external conditions that make you look like you are in a higher league
・the inner state that makes you be treated well

These two are completely different things.

And what men are instinctively reacting to
is always the latter—

the inner state.

--------------------------------------------------------

A story about a woman

The women who come to my counseling sessions
have experienced various painful things in love.
Even if the person thinks it's not that big of a deal,
it can actually be a deep, old wound.
If that applies to you, there is a self-work exercise to heal wounds included in the registration gift for my official LINE account,
so I would be happy if you could try it out.

Here, let me share just one story
about a woman who came to my online
counseling.

That woman is doing marriage hunting, but
she came to me for advice and said,
'I always do my best at matchmaking parties,
but no one pays any attention to me.
Even though everyone around me is just like me,
I'm the only one no one talks to...
Why is that?'
she said, while crying.

To summarize her story

・Getting swallowed up by anxiety over a single reaction from those around you
・An unstoppable feeling that "maybe everyone hates me"
・Not feeling valued even though you are trying your best

These were the states of mind
that she inevitably found herself in.

When I asked her about it,
she told me that when she was a child, because her parents ran a shop,
they would go out to work in the evening,
and as the eldest daughter, she always had to look after her siblings.
That was the situation she was in.

When her parents left for work,
she would always see them off at the entrance feeling anxious and lonely,
and although she couldn't say it out loud,
in her heart, she was screaming, "Don't go."

When she grew up and started dating,
she could get into relationships with men,
but they never lasted long, and she had never been able to get married.

And,
"Maybe I'll never be able to get married."
"Even if I'm in a relationship, the man
might leave me."
She said that these anxious feelings
were always overwhelming her.

After my session, she
started feeling less anxious in her love life,
and at a matchmaking party,
it seems she found a man
who might develop into a serious relationship.

Actually, after the session,
the email she sent me
contained this...

"The workshop was good, but
more than that,
the feeling that Goro-san was 'truly there with me'
was huge."

"You listened to me without judgment,
spoke to me in your gentle voice,
and seeing your smile made me feel so... relieved."

"After that, by trying to remember
that sense of relief and kindness
in my body,
and living my days that way,
I stopped being swallowed by anxiety as much as before,
and as a result,
I have come to feel
that I am being valued."

What was happening within her was
an experience of receiving kindness and affection
in a safe way.

In psychology, this experience is called
re-attachment
oran attachment repair experience.

To put it more simply,
it means a "small redo of attachment"
had occurred.

Actually, the reason I interact with the women who come to me for consultation
with kindness and affection
is with the intention of re-attachment.

And,
I value having them construct a new, gentle paternal image
within themselves
as my stance for interaction.

The reason for this is that
by having their paternal image
rewritten into a new one,
a change is born
in their interactions with the men in front of them.

Consequently, this also leads to
the relationship with their romantic partner improving.

With that intention,
I value interactions that allow for re-attachment.

In attachment theory,
a person's attachment style
is not fixed from birth,
but is considered to change through the accumulation of acquired 'safe experiences'.

In fact,
there are many studies reporting that
people who were anxious or avoidant
move toward a secure attachment style
through stable relationships.

Particularly effective elements include:
• Consistent kindness
• Predictable interactions
• An attitude that does not invalidate emotions

At this point,
some of you might have thought:

"So, does that mean I have to be
healed by someone forever?"

No, that's not it. What's important is
experiencing that "state of security"
even just once.

The human brain
tries to recreate states it has experienced once.

Therefore, a secure attachment style is
not a "born talent," but rather
a state that can be cultivated.

-------------------------------------------------------

How to cultivate a secure attachment style

There are broadly two directions
for cultivating a secure attachment style.

① A secure style cultivated through relationships with others

Like the woman I mentioned earlier,
• Not being invalidated
• Not being abandoned
• Not being judged

When you experience such reassuring interactions
repeatedly,

your mind and nervous system
learn that "it's okay to be with others."
This is the state where re-attachment is occurring.

② And even more importantly, "a secure style cultivated within yourself"

A secure attachment style
is not something that can only be maintained if someone else is "always" healing you.

What is truly important is
being able to recreate a state of security
within yourself.

The brain
has a property of trying to recreate a "safe state"
that it has experienced once.

Therefore,
• The feeling of being secure
• The breathing when you were calm

When you can gradually recall these things within yourself,
you will find that in your relationships with others,
you are no longer as swayed by anxiety as you used to be.

And finally,
I will share three common traits of people
who are cultivating a secure attachment style.

① Do not try to eliminate anxiety
Don't make anxiety your enemy; acknowledge it by saying, 'I'm feeling anxious right now.'

② Do not confirm your security through the other person's reactions
Don't measure your worth by their text replies or attitude.

③ Know what it feels like to be in a calm state
Know that you are 'okay' as a physical sensation before you even think about it.

As these three things grow little by little, naturally,
the distance and atmosphere you have with others will change.

Now,
let's return to today's theme.

What men are reacting to unconsciously is not
・whether you are beautiful
・whether you have high specs
but rather,

'Can I be in a good state
when I am with this person?'
That is the feeling.

As a secure state grows within you,
an 'atmosphere of security' naturally exudes,
making the man feel like he is in a good state...

As a result,
'I must not treat this person poorly,'
'I don't want to lose her,'
'I want to treat her with care.'

You become the kind of person who is thought of in that way.

On top of that, let's get absorbed in
making yourself even more wonderful,
as you go along.

By doing so, before you know it,
you will find that men have recognized you as being in a higher league.

-------------------------------------------------------

Summary

①
The true nature of a woman whom men perceive as 'higher league'
is not her looks, title, or specs, but
'whether she is someone they want to treat with care'.

②
What many women tend to do—
'behaving elegantly, acting tough, or feigning composure'—
often makes them 'someone who makes others feel uneasy' rather than higher league.

④
Being able to create a 'state where one can feel secure together'
is the essence of 'being thought of as higher league = being treated with care'.

5.
At the foundation of this 'way of being that provides peace of mind' is a state of mind called
a secure attachment style.

6.
A secure style is not an innate personality trait, but rather something that
is cultivated postnatally through the accumulation of reassuring experiences.

7.
As for how to cultivate a secure style, there is
a secure style that grows through relationships with others and
a secure style that you cultivate within yourself. The former involves repeatedly experiencing reassuring interactions, while the latter is about
learning to reproduce a state of peace within yourself.

8.
The common traits of people who cultivate a secure state are:

1. Not trying to eliminate anxiety
2. Not confirming peace of mind through the other person's reactions
3. Knowing what a calm state feels like in their own body

As a result,
it's not that you are treated well because you look like you're in a higher league, but rather that
because you create a state that makes others want to treat you well,
you come to be treated as someone in a higher league, right?

You were born to be treated with care.

How did you find this content?
If you'd like, please write what you are feeling right now in the comments section.

Announcement (Gift)

Add the official LINE 'Kizu-Koi' as a friend and register for the newsletter to receive 4 bonus videos + text as a gift!

1. Diagnosis of your love 'wound tendency' type

2. Immediate improvement methods for each love 'wound tendency' type

3. Self-work to heal your wounds

4. The reason why Goro Tameike works as a 'love therapist for sensitive women'

Please click here to register for LINE

If you feel like you want to continue
finding ways to face your sensitive self,
please be sure to follow or
press the 'Like' button, as it encourages me.

See you in the next article.

Goro Tameike, Love Therapist for Sensitive Women