Guilt over taking sudden paid leave. [Prose Poem]

Due to production circumstances, I suddenly have tomorrow off.
Due to operational issues or demand, the process I am in charge of will be idle.
It seems this happens occasionally at the factory.

Since it is treated as paid leave, I will naturally still be paid.

Paid leave is a legitimate right.
Besides, my supervisor also said it was fine to take the day off.

And yet, what is this uneasy feeling?

This emotion is similar to the feeling of playing hooky back in my student days.
The indelible guilt of skipping school without a valid reason.
The emptiness of doing nothing on a day I was supposed to be active.
It is similar to that.

Even though I have permission from my boss and seniors at work to take the day off, why must I feel so uneasy?

That is surely because I have not yet forgiven that version of myself from back then.

There was nothing wrong with my body.
I didn't have a cold.
I wasn't injured.
It was just painful.
It was painful to be in the classroom.

So I stayed home.

I still haven't forgiven myself for that.

That is why even this stroke of luck, being able to take a sudden day off, is shrouded in guilt.

What a clumsy person I am.

Can I not even rest properly?