Not Using 'Busy' as an Excuse: Switching Between On and Off and the Power of Letting Go
I am a full-time employee who also works a side job occasionally, while raising two elementary school children. Both of our families live far away (the city center vs. Kansai), my own mother has already passed away, and my husband is busy, so I am essentially a single-parent household. When I talk to people I've met in the 10 years I've been a mother, they tell me I've been living through quite a bit of adversity.
Of course, I have no intention of comparing how hard things are, but when I talk a little, I am often asked, "That sounds tough..." or "How do you manage every day?" Naturally, it is tough in its own way, but with the help of friends and family around me, and by making use of various things, I am somehow managing. What I have come to understand is that it is important to know how to "switch between on and off" and to have a certain kind of "power to let go." Today, I'd like to talk about that.
If you can "switch between on and off," you might stop feeling so busy
First, let me share the flow of a weekday (when working from home).
7:00 AM Wake up -> Check SNS and Yahoo! News mainly, wake up the kids (it's more often the other way around, haha), watch the morning news (mainly NHK, channel surfing) while preparing breakfast for the kids, filling water bottles with tea, etc., and calling out to the kids to get ready "Hurry up and go!" (constantly urging them).
8:00 AM Send the kids off, get myself ready.
8:30 AM Start work from home, morning assembly online, depending on the day, conducting lectures, consulting, proofreading, etc.
Around 12:00 PM Lunch (leftovers or remaining bread from the morning) *Lunch news -> Watch Takarazuka News at high speed.
1:00 PM~ Continue working.
Around 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Older child returns home -> Give them a snack and send them off to lessons.
6:30 PM Finish work, go pick up the younger child from after-school care.
After 7:00 PM Return home, make dinner while having the kids study and do homework.
8:00 PM - 10:00 PM Kids' priority time.
Dinner, have them take a bath (constantly urging), have them prepare for tomorrow (constantly urging).
10:00 PM Kids go to bed (it inevitably gets late... this is a challenge), housework time -> wash dishes, fold laundry, run the machine, hang things up, clean roughly...
11:00 PM Bath time, face masks, and my own self-care time.
11:30 PM - 1:00 AM Free time (often watching my hobby, Takarazuka, or doing side work during this time).
That is how it is. This is just one example, but I spend 3 to 4 days a week like this. A big part of why I can do this is because I have a job that allows for full remote work from home, so I am truly grateful to my company.
However, with this schedule, there used to be absolutely no "kids' priority time," "self-care time," or "free time." I would just open my PC and work even with the kids around, finish a shower in 5 minutes and work, and it was taken for granted that I had no time for hobbies.
But you know, that really causes your will to live to fade away. I started to think, "What am I living for?" and I would just collapse! I think this is a common occurrence for those working from home. Since you can work anytime and anywhere, if you don't consciously protect your own time, you end up stealing your own time without even realizing it.
So, I am now thorough about switching between "on" and "off." That is what my schedule is like.
The "power to let go" saves yourself: Don't do what you're bad at
Regarding housework, I have thoroughly "let go." I am probably much worse at housework than the average person. In particular, I am terrible at "tidying up," "folding and putting away laundry," and "cleaning small details." When I was a full-time housewife, I tried my best, but even then, the room was never sparkling clean, and I just couldn't get it completely clean. There were times I worried about it, but recently I decided to just give up, haha. If I think "I have to do it!", I get frustrated, so I boast to my family, "It's impossible! Forgive me for the messy room on weekdays!" My family doesn't say anything, haha. (I don't let them say anything, haha).
Ultimately, I think it's fine as long as the family can spend every day smiling! So, even if laundry is scattered on the floor, a lightbulb is burnt out, dust has fallen, or trash has piled up, I summon the "Oh well!" spirit. If we are healthy, eating proper meals every day, and spending time smiling, that's 100 points! I decide to do the housework all at once on Saturday and Sunday! However, since I still have to live through the weekdays, I do the following. (This is by no means a tip for people who live well; it's how someone who is living desperately gets by, so it might not be helpful, haha).
Make full use of the dryer for the washing machine, and wash clothes that cannot be dried all at once on the weekend.
Put socks after washing into a basket and have everyone match them up and wear them themselves.
Use Domesto for toilet cleaning.
Use a spray-type cleaner for the bath that doesn't require scrubbing.
Days when I have to go to the office or have a heavy workload are "Uber-Iiyo" (Uber-it's-fine) days.
Wash everything at once in the dishwasher once a day (at night).
Above all, have the family understand that "I can't do housework on weekdays" -> Create an environment where helping out is a given.
In this way, I use the "power to let go" to maintain my peace of mind. Of course, I will do my best if it is necessary for work or other things, but other than that, I want to get by without doing as much as possible.
Taking care of your own mood
It's something I often say to my children, but I really think it's important to "take care of your own mood." If there are things you have to do anyway, if you can't escape them, how can you do them enjoyably? How can you get your heart into it? I want to pursue that.
I really hate the housework that piles up after a day of work, haha. Every night I grumble, "Ugh, I don't want to do housework..." Even at this age, even as a parent, things I hate are things I hate! But I accept that side of myself, and I praise myself a lot, saying, "Good job, me! I'm great! I'm amazing!" or I wash dishes or fold laundry while playing Takarazuka or dramas on my iPad. (Efficiency drops, but I feel positive thinking I'm not wasting time, so it's okay.) In that way, I prioritize how to take care of my own mood and get my heart into it.
I hope this is helpful to someone, even just a little haha.