Freedom and Loneliness Are Two Sides of the Same Coin
Freedom and loneliness are two sides of the same coin
It has been a long time since I became single.
I am single in my private life,
and a sole proprietor in my work.
I live a free life.
Yesterday, I wandered into an Indian curry restaurant at night, and there was no one there.
That space, which is always full and lively during the day, felt quiet and like a unique, isolated world.
When the Indian music stopped, I suddenly felt how happy I was to be free.
Not tied down by anyone, I could wander into a shop at any time I liked and eat something like cheese naan.
The piping hot cheese stretched out, and I laughed at myself as I stuffed my cheeks.
If I feel this much happiness from cheese naan, what would happen if I ate the main curry?
No, that is not what I meant; I was just enjoying my freedom during a fleeting moment of solitude.
On the other hand.
I talked with some women from work and heard about their lives being protected by their husbands.
I wonder if I should slow down my work pace since I want to take it easy this month.
To be able to cut back on work based on one's mood—I am truly envious.
Ah, please don't speak ill of your husband.
The happiness you have in being able to cut back on work is made possible by your husband's strength.
I think things like that in my heart.
But I also think that they are happy because they don't realize that.
In such moments, I feel lonely.
I have parents, children, a partner, colleagues, and friends.
I am happy.
But every relationship is on equal footing.
I cannot rely on them.
No, I do rely on them enough, but it is a reliance built upon my own independence.
Sometimes, I want to abandon my independence and be protected like a child.
At times like that, I feel lonely.
I am free because I am independent.
I am lonely because I do not want to be independent.
I will go on living while savoring both.
And I am nothing but excited about how I will live from here on out.
What kind of future lies ahead?
What kind of reality will I create?
It is up to me.
I am a person in my 50s, dreaming of late-blooming success while caught between freedom and loneliness.
Though, it might be a bit too late for that.
If you resonate with this,
please follow me☆