Introducing a book that completely covers interpersonal skills

Yes, the conclusion is below. This eliminated the worries I had about human relationships while working abroad. It doesn't matter if it's America or Japan. This is an essential book that writes about interpersonal skills.

・A brief self-introduction

・Over 3 years of working in the US
・30s
・Job: Relaxed salesman (articles written during work)

There are some quirky local American staff members, and I struggled quite a bit at the beginning of my assignment, but I think I have built a reasonably good relationship with them now.

Many of my clients are also American, and I conduct business negotiations in English, even for quite complicated matters. I also handle small talk in English during negotiations. That said, the hurdle for small talk with people I meet for the first time is quite high.
As an aside, is that kind of conversation like a self-introduction at a group date, where the hairdresser asks, 'What kind of work do you do?', really necessary?

Also, as another aside, breaking into conversations between native speakers is quite difficult.

My relationship with my wife is good. (That is just my assessment, at least.) However, there is a physical distance of over 10,000 kilometers.

・Initial struggles

There was the language issue, but I struggled to keep up with native English regardless. I didn't understand what they were saying, and I couldn't come up with how to respond. I regretted many times that I hadn't gone to an English conversation school. For about the first year of my assignment, I cursed my own lack of ability.

I thought (or rather, convinced myself) that I had decent TOEIC scores and vocabulary, so it felt like my pride was being torn apart. (This pride was completely unnecessary.)

What was especially difficult was small talk. I didn't know what or how to talk about things. Combined with my lack of confidence in English, I didn't try to talk to others, which created a wall, and they might have thought I was difficult to talk to as well.

When I was suffering like that, it suddenly occurred to me: Is the fundamental problem not my English ability, but rather my essential communication skills?

・Introducing the book

From there, I broke the vow and restriction I had imposed on myself to 'only read English books' and read books related to human relationships.

This book in particular taught me all the interpersonal skills that aren't just superficial tricks, and it was a lifelong treasure that every generation should read. I might not need any other books on human relationships.

These are wonderful and beautiful words.

People who have trouble with human relationships might be driven by negative feelings, such as worrying about what if they offend someone with an unnecessary comment, or what if the other person isn't in the mood to talk and finds them annoying.

Forcefully cast those things aside, and while convincing yourself that 'the other person wants to talk to me' and 'they will be happy if I show interest in them,' take the initiative to talk to them.

Don't underestimate it as just 'wishful thinking'; those thoughts will become reality.

・The conversation is played with you as the lead note.

This is also a beautiful phrase. If you start a conversation in a way that sounds sad, the conversation will take on a sad tone, and if you start it in a fun way, it will become exactly that.

Therefore, let's talk to the other person with a full smile and a genuine interest in them from the bottom of our hearts. Let's put aside the issue of whether or not you can speak English. Just ask what you want to ask. (Mental approach)

・For those in a position where they must move others

I have extracted some technical terms. When you are on an overseas assignment, you cannot get work done without local employees. When you ask them to do a job by saying, "I want you to do such and such," it can sound like you are "making a request" by taking advantage of your position.

Instead, you can approach the problem as a single team by asking, "If you were in my position, what kind of ideas would you come up with?"
The person being asked will not feel bad about it either.

And then, let's praise them. The point is to praise the other person's words, actions, and character more specifically. (This is also written in the book.)
Rather than saying, "You are always proactive and amazing," it would be more like, "I respect the fact that you were actively speaking up during that scene in the meeting, as that is something I could not have done."

This time it was a book introduction, but what I thought was that the way all of humanity communicates is common.

I think anyone can sincerely care for others and be interested in people at any time. It would be good if we could consciously cultivate such a heart.