What Remains on a Hangover Morning
I am looking back on this year while still hungover.
I am even having a hair of the dog.
This year is coming to an end.
A hangover morning is honest.
The body does not lie, and
the heart softens just a little bit.
Recently, year-end parties have continued, and although my liver must be screaming,
I still felt a strange sense of happiness.
"You've changed this year."
A few people told me that.
Whether it was an evaluation or just a confirmation of facts,
I don't know.
However, the place where I am standing is different from last year,
that feeling was certainly there.
I held a pop-up in January.
Explaining the clothes I chose in my own words.
The moment they were bought, I felt like I had handed over a sensation rather than a product.
That experience clarified the reason why I am involved with clothes.
At the end of March, I quit the long-established vintage clothing store where I had worked for a year and a half.
It was a place where I learned a lot.
At the same time, I also thought that I could not change if I stayed there.
The fact that I noticed the feeling of being stuck itself
might have already been moving forward.
Last October, I handed my resume directly to the store I wanted to go to next.
The reply was on hold for a long time.
Only the possibility remained in the air.
If I couldn't get in, I intended to leave the path of fashion.
By reducing my options, only my resolve was clear.
In May, I was able to join that store.
I was able to quietly reconfirm that I am still suited for the path of fashion.
I am allowed to stay in this world.
I felt as if I had been given that permission.
I am still grateful to the owner who hired me.
The new environment brought new connections.
People increased,
perspectives increased,
and the sense of discomfort that cannot be put into words also increased.
All of those
are thrown into the back of a drawer.
Looking back on this year,
I feel like I was almost only working.
The environment changed, my way of thinking changed,
before I knew it, I had come to a point of no return.
If I can feel happy on a hangover morning,
that year was surely not wrong.
I am standing in a place where I can think that now.
I want to choose to keep changing next year as well.