The 'Paradigm Shift in Housework' That Happened to Me While Raising a 5-Year-Old and a Newborn as a Dual-Income Couple

Five years have passed since my children were born. My life completely changed into one chased by tasks and time, balancing work, housework, and childcare.

I felt like everything I did was half-baked, and despite my best efforts, I began to feel unrewarded.

That was when I remember feeling the burden on my shoulders gradually lift as my husband and I started sharing the housework.

In today's note, I would like to write about the paradigm shift regarding housework that occurred for me.

The fate of those who lack the life skills of housework

In this era of dual-income households, while there is a trend that it's natural for husbands to do housework, when a husband does chores, people still often say things like 'That's amazing' or 'Good for you.'

The culture that housework equals women's work is still deeply rooted, and perhaps I myself subconsciously felt like I was being 'helped' rather than sharing the housework.

But when you think about it, men are capable adults too. Just like children, I believe it is better for the couple's relationship and for the husband himself if he does what he can for himself.

This is because housework is a life skill.

I had an experience that made me keenly realize that no matter how good you are at your job, you cannot survive without life skills.

I sometimes remember a regular customer I met while working part-time at Lawson during my student days.

There was a man in his 70s whose smell and appearance were terrifying, as if he hadn't bathed in who knows how long.

According to a long-time part-timer, that man used to come to Lawson every morning 20 years ago wearing a sharp suit to buy a newspaper.

The part-timer said, 'It's been that way since he lost his wife. Men really are hopeless, aren't they?'

When a wife handles all the housework, the fate that awaits the surviving husband is very cruel.

Facing housework with a flat perspective

The second paradigm shift was realizing that you don't need to seek meaning or emotion in housework.

There was a time when I felt uneasy if I didn't get the housework done, but I also felt uneasy when I was doing nothing but housework.

I thought that no matter how much housework I let go of, or how perfectly I managed to do it, I would end up feeling uneasy anyway.

One day, I asked my husband, who lives by the motto 'Enjoy every job!', if he could enjoy housework too.

Then, the answer came back: 'I don't enjoy housework. Or rather, I do it without any emotion at all.'

He has no feelings of enjoyment, nor does he feel it's difficult or a hassle. It seems that for my husband, housework is positioned simply as something that must be done to live, so he does it calmly and matter-of-factly.

Whether it's work, housework, or childcare, we can't always just do the things we like or want to do, can we?

At times like that, it was a paradigm shift for me to realize that if it's something you don't have to do, you can let it go, and if it's something you absolutely must do, there is a way to just do it calmly and without emotion.

Give your all to the things you enjoy and love. Let go of the things you dislike or hate. And for the things you absolutely must do to survive, just do them calmly.

It felt like a simple way to live more easily and happily.

Summary

I feel that housework is something we easily form preconceptions about due to gender bias and our upbringing.

I used to be sensitive and emotional whenever I heard language that framed housework as 'a woman's job.'

I used to be swayed and tossed about by the ups and downs of housework.

As I started sharing housework with my husband while raising a 5-year-old and a newborn as a dual-income couple, I have become able to approach housework with a much more neutral perspective.

Do you have any realizations about sharing housework?

#RealizationsAboutSharingHousework