The story of a night when I was somehow at my limit, even though nothing had happened

It wasn't like anything particularly painful had happened.
Work and home life were both, on the surface, just as usual.

And yet, when night came, my chest would feel heavy for no reason,
and whether I looked at my phone or turned on the TV, nothing would sink in.

“I’m not exactly unhappy, so why do I feel so exhausted?”

Nights like that have been continuing for a while now.

Even if asked, “What happened?”, I couldn't answer.

Even when my wife asked, “How was your day?”, or
when my boss said, “You haven't seemed like yourself lately,”
honestly, I had no words to reply.

Because—
it’s not like “anything actually happened”.

・I wasn't scolded.
・I didn't make any mistakes.
・I don't have any major anxieties.

And yet, only my heart has been tired for a long time.

It seems this is usually what it feels like before you break.

There is something I understood after looking back on it.

People,
it seems, break more quietly when they are “continuing to push themselves even though nothing has happened”
than when there is a “clear problem”.
.

・Trying to work properly
・Trying to be a father properly
・Trying to be a husband properly

Before I knew it,
there was no room left anywhere
to think about “what I want to do”.

What I finally understood by writing it down on paper

One night, I tried writing it down on paper for no particular reason.

・I don't remember the last time I rested.
・I say “I'm fine” too much.
・I've been putting off everything I used to love.

What I realized while writing was that
it wasn't my heart that was tired, but rather the “lack of breathing room”
.

There was no need to add anything,
there was just one thing I needed to subtract.

For today, I’ll try stopping the “I have to do this properly” mindset just once.

From that day on, I stopped trying to go back to being perfect.

・Do not try to recover quickly
・Do not try to be positive
・Do not try to find answers

Instead, I decided only one thing:
“I will not try any harder than this today.”

Strangely enough,
that alone made it a little easier to breathe.

If you are currently carrying a sense of exhaustion for no reason,

it does not mean you are weak, nor does it mean you are being soft.

Perhaps it is just that
you have simply been “functioning for too long.”

The people who cannot find a reason to rest
are often the ones who need it the most.

Here, I write about:
・A record of days when I was falling apart
・Things I actually did to rebuild myself
・Psychology and practical coping methods

I am writing about these things
as honestly as I can.

If you think,
“I might understand this a little,”
I would be happy if you followed me.

I am writing this for those who,
like me, are quietly holding on.