The Adhesive Tape of 'Life' Between Mom and a Truant Child

After I finished writing and posting that chaotic note yesterday, filled with hesitation.
I still couldn't sit still.

I said, 'The pot broke, so I'm going to go buy one,' and escaped outdoors.
(Actually, it wasn't the pot that was broken, but Mom's head and heart lol)


I just wanted to be alone, anywhere.
In the end, I just bought a warm milk tea and closed my eyes in the convenience store parking lot.

My daughter developed separation anxiety. My mental state plummeted, I took a leave of absence, and these past two months have passed.

A part of my heart had been thinking,I have to protect them.

My children's hearts.

You'd think that's natural, right?
But somewhere, I also knew that 'even as parent and child, we are separate individuals.'

Therefore, the lives we lead are separate things.
While there is a duty for a parent to protect their child, in the truest sense

a child's life is not the parent's.

These two months of being unable to separate and struggling were too intense for Mom, too.
I was under a bit of a spell.
Thinking, 'Do I have to protect them from everything!?'

That's why, when I was confronted with [the possibility that my children might attend a completely different, non-public school that I hadn't anticipated at all], Mom was confused.

I needed to perform the task of peeling off the invisiblespellfrom my own head and body.

Alone, in the dark convenience store parking lot, feeling the light from the streetlamp,

I could literally hear a sound in my head.Violently.

The 'children's lives' that were stuck to me, I pulled and peeled them off.

Like strong Velcro, I put my strength into it, from one end to the other.

!! Rip! Tear !!

I finally peeled it off... (crying)

After that, I went home muttering, 'I didn't find a good pot,' (though no one was listening lol).

I take a bath with the kids.

I casually ask my big second-grade son (it's getting tight in the bath), 'How was it today? There were a lot of interesting things, weren't there?'

Son: 'It was good, but it's a bit far, isn't it?'
Daughter: 'That place is the best, I want to go! If it's a school bus, it's less tiring than walking, so that would be better!'

I'm so moved (crying).

I don't expect everything to go smoothly.
After all, she has been refusing the word 'school' and staying home for nearly half a year.

But if she felt that place was somehow different this time, that's good.

Above all, I got to hear my daughter say, 'That place is the best, I want to go' lol.

My daughter. She's an HSC sensitive child, auditory-dominant and hypersensitive. If we travel for two days, she gets tired and throws up on the plane. After that, she's the type who gets easily exhausted, like getting a mysterious fever for a week.

My son. He has gifted tendencies and is visual-dominant. I think he realized on his own that he learns faster than other kids and that his sense of time is different from theirs, which is why his resistance to class grew.
I think he couldn't find meaning in having to repeat homework for knowledge he already possessed.

The diverse school we saw yesterday had an open space with giant beanbag chairs and cardboard hideouts on the side, where you could listen to the class just by tilting your ear.
If you get tired, you can rest freely.
It's a space where you won't be scolded if you do something else after finishing your worksheet faster than everyone else.

For my children, whose self-esteem is plummeting because they are 'different from everyone else,' a
free and open space suits them.

Can they go? Will they enjoy it? Will they become unable to go again?

You never know until you try, right?

My daughter, whose temperament is exactly like mine in my childhood. And my son.

Mommy was also bad at school, you know.

If they could go to this diverse school, they would be walking a path you didn't take, and let's say they became an incredibly happy elementary or middle schooler.
I wonder what kind of adult they would become.

If this school also proves difficult and they continue to stay away from school, their life ahead will also be completely different from yours.

Is that what the real thrill of being a parent is all about?

It's tough, but I'm also excited (laughs).