Just Like When I Wrote a Letter to Santa That Day

When I was little, I used to write a letter to Santa every year.

After spending days excitedly choosing what I wanted, I would mail the letter saying, "This is what I want."

I remember writing about things like Sentai toys or Woody from Toy Story.

(Thinking about it now, where did those letters actually go??)

Nearly 20 years have passed since then, and now at 26, the things I want... well, there are a few, of course.

Like wanting a nice room diffuser, or being curious about a high-end hand soap with a lovely scent.

But.
More than those "things," what I want most right now is,"a life that feels like my own"—.

I went to the hair salon yesterday.

The stylist I always request asked me,
"What kind of year has this been for you?"

This year...
I had a lot of fun experiences.

I also experienced various failures while having fun.

But amidst all that, a quiet yet certain voice in my heart has been growing.

"Is it really okay for my life to stay like this forever?"

A sense of unease I realized in my second year out of college.
Last year, everything was fresh and every day was fun.

But this year, I got used to things, and day by day, I started to wonder if maybe I'm not cut out for this job.

I'm doing it well.
Thankfully, the company appreciates my work, so from the outside, people probably think I'm "well-suited" for it.

But I, the person actually doing it, have realized that "it's not really fun."

On top of that, I can't find an "exciting future self" at my workplace—someone I want to become.

Is it okay to let my life melt away in days like these?
Is it really okay for my life to end like this??
I want to carve out a new path.

That feeling started to grow little by little.

...I ended up telling my hairdresser that story.

I'm someone who doesn't usually talk much about what's in my heart.
I had never told anyone about such honest worries and dreams before.

But that hairdresser is someone I truly admire; they have a solid sense of purpose and are fully committed to their work.

Combined with the unique, somewhat easy-to-talk-in atmosphere of a hair salon—looking through the mirror while getting a haircut—I ended up revealing my true feelings.

I want to live a more exciting life every day.
But I have no idea what that actually looks like.

Then, they said,
"You can do anything! After all, you graduated from the University of Tokyo!"

No. Even if I graduated from the University of Tokyo, I can't do anything.

You, who work with such a strong sense of purpose, are much, much more impressive, and I truly respect you.

When I told them that, their expression changed for a moment, and they said this:

No, no, that's not right.
Someone who has worked hard once in their life can definitely work hard again.
You worked hard on your entrance exams and studies, didn't you?
Then you'll be absolutely fine. Because you know how to work hard.

Tears were about to overflow. I desperately held them back.

Wow, I've never been cheered on so passionately like this...
And because these words came from a hairdresser who is actually living their dream, they hit home directly.

Maybe I can do it too. I don't want to give up.

Until now, I've hardly ever talked to anyone about my worries or dreams because I felt embarrassed and was afraid of what they might think.
I've kept them mostly to myself.

But I realized that if I open up about them, there are people who will support me so kindly and passionately.

Come to think of it, if I keep things locked away in my heart, people around me can't reach out even if they want to.
The support and help I could have received end up being the same as if they didn't exist at all.

Only when you tell someone you trust can you receive encouragement and support.
That is how a dream moves one step closer to reality.

Just as the presents arrived back then because I wrote a letter to Santa.

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