There is a difference between a child 'not talking' and 'being unable to talk'

\
They don't talk about what happened at school
/

I think this is a common experience for children.
Even when I get together with other moms, or at the Kumon classroom,
I hear this from mothers all the time.

Especially with boys.
I have two boys myself, and as they got older,
I would constantly hear things like, "Wait? I'm hearing this for the first time!"
from moms of girls at lunch gatherings.

So, is this "not talking at home" thing
a bad thing?

Today, I would like to talk about this.

Accepting that "that's just how children are"

To give you the conclusion first,
I have accepted that "that's just how children are" ^^;

After all, when I was in elementary or junior high school,
did I tell my parents about what happened at school, my grades, or my friends?

I might have shared small, harmless episodes, but
things that were important to me, or things that were draining my energy

For example,

talk about idols I was excited about with friends,
detailed stories about classes or tests,
or the uneasy feelings I had regarding friends

were things I didn't talk about because I thought:

they wouldn't understand even if I told them,
they wouldn't empathize,
it was embarrassing,
or it would be a hassle if they said something.

For these reasons, I didn't talk to my parents.
My confidants were usually my close friends.

I believe that growth involves a child moving away from their parents both physically and mentally,
finding people they can rely on in society,
and thoroughly facing their own inner conflicts,
so I think it's inevitable that my own child doesn't talk to me (the parent).

Things to be careful about

However, there is one thing to be careful about.

\
The difference between "not talking" and "being unable to talk"
/

is that.

I think it's unavoidable if they choose of their own volition "not to talk about this" or "that there is no need to talk about it."

However, I feel it is
important to create an environment where they don't feel like they 'cannot talk to their parents'.

If something goes wrong with their studies, relationships, or physical health,

something they cannot solve alone,
something painful,
or something they are truly struggling with

happens,
I think it is important to create an environment where they can talk to you before it becomes too late to move forward or go back.

What we can do for that is...

What we can do for that is,

the small topics your child talks about daily,
whether it's about games, anime, idols,
or complaints about their teacher,
or even episodes that you as a parent might think, 'Wait, isn't that wrong?'

first, listen to everything they have to say.

Without denying them by saying, 'Why did you do that?',
without forcing your opinion on them by saying, 'You should do this in such a situation,',
just saying, 'Oh,' 'That's interesting,' or 'I see, so that happened.'

Letting them know that their thoughts and feelings are being fully heard.

This conveys the sense of security and trust that 'Mom and Dad will listen to whatever I say'.

This sense of security that 'it's okay to say anything' is not conveyed overnight.

Even for adults, it's the same as not being able to talk to a stranger who suddenly appears and says 'tell me anything' after a troublesome situation has occurred. You would talk to someone you trust, thinking, 'This person will listen to me.'

I believe it is important to build that relationship between parent and child
when nothing is wrong.

Even if my own middle-school-aged child
doesn't tell me every little detail about school,

I have found that my anxiety has decreased significantly by having the trust that this child will definitely talk to me when it really matters.

Start today, perhaps during dinner or while picking them up from lessons.
Please begin by listening to everything your child has to say.

I hope this serves as a hint for someone today as well. (^^)

<Notice>

＼As a parenting coach, I also provide support for your parenting questions and concerns／
It has been about 3 years since I became a coach.

To further support those who say 'I want to change!' or 'I want to be different!',
I am currently challenging myself to obtain an international certification (ACC).

You can try a session at a monitor price!

❀ <First-time only> 60-minute single session [3,000 yen]
❀ <From the 2nd time onwards> 60-minute single session [6,000 yen]
❀ <60 minutes x 3 times> Ongoing session [14,000 yen for 3 sessions]

Session details👇

Click here to apply👇
*Even if it is not on the candidate dates, there are days that may be possible depending on the time slot.
If you select <Other>, we will make adjustments.

If you would like to inquire immediately, please use LINE (^^) 👇