What I want to share as someone who couldn't feel love for her child

It wasn't until my eldest son, Tsuta, reached elementary school that I was finally able to truly feel that my child was adorable.
Until then, raising children was incredibly painful for me.

Parenting was a struggle for me until then.

Work was hard, so I got pregnant as if to escape from it.

Even after becoming pregnant, my morning sickness was so severe that I felt like I wasn't even alive.

When I thought the morning sickness had subsided, my stomach felt so heavy I couldn't move.

I thought I would finally be relieved after giving birth, but
faced with my eldest son who wouldn't sleep because of his severe bedtime fussiness,
I spent my days feeling frustrated.

Just when the bedtime fussiness settled down, the 'terrible twos' began.

When I returned to work, I had
a certain amount of freedom while at the office, but
I had to rush to finish my work, pick him up from daycare,
make dinner, and give him a bath.

Even when I had a little time for myself,
I was constantly
'I need to do this now'
'I need to do that when I get home'
my head was so full of things I had to do that
I had no room to enjoy that time.

I still remember well that at a parent-teacher meeting at my son's daycare,

is what I said.

Looking back now, I think I was a self-centered and immature mother.
And I had no emotional space.

In the end, I couldn't manage work, parenting, and housework, so I quit.
I became a full-time housewife.

Maybe it was from around that time.
That I was finally able to think of my son as adorable.

Looking back now,
the reason I was so cornered back then was because

I truly believed that I had to do both parenting and housework 'all by myself'
and that I 'had to do everything properly,' so
I couldn't rely on anyone or ask for advice.

Since I was the second person in the company to take maternity leave, there were no seniors to act as role models, and I could tell that my boss and colleagues were all at a loss as to how to deal with me, and I still remember clearly that I really didn't know how to raise a child.

This was about 20 years ago, so
I think the state of society has changed quite a bit, but
no matter how old your child is, this is the one thing I want to say.

／
If you don't have room for yourself, you can't think of your child as adorable. So, first, love yourself. Your own time and physical condition are the top priority. For that, it is perfectly fine to rely on others with confidence.
＼

That is what I mean.

If you have peace of mind, you can be kind to your child.

So,for the sake of your child,please take care of yourself.

<Notice>

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