The story of how I decided to pursue a life of 'comfort' before turning 50

Since entering April, I have been spending a lot of time
caring for my mind and body,
and focusing more on myself.

This is partly because I intentionally chose to do so,
as I anticipated that things would get hectic
for me as well with the start of the children's new school term.
I wrote about this in my previous note.

At the same time, the background to this is that I have come to understand what my own comfortable state is.

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There was a time when, as a coach,

I wanted to grow more and more,
I wanted to do more sessions,

and so on.

Aiming higher and broader

was something I once aspired to.

Back then,

"10 AM to 5 PM is work time.
Even if I'm at home, I won't do chores; I'll focus on work-related things!"

I declared things like that and tried to push forward with my work.
I tried my best.

However, this just didn't feel comfortable.

Even though it was supposed to be time for the work I want to do
and the ideal self I want to become,

I wasn't enjoying my days.

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Of course, my work is fun,
so I put my heart into my sessions,
and I don't neglect the preparation and study required for them.

But that alone wasn't enough to satisfy me.

I

also like housework,
I want to properly face my children,
I want time to nourish my own heart,
and time to lounge around and sleep is also important.

Once I realized that,
I stopped setting fixed hours for work.

And then...

• If the weather is nice, I take my time hanging out the laundry,
  

• and when the seasons change, I carefully tend to my bonsai trees,
  

• When I have back-to-back sessions, I focus on my work,
  

• When it is time to pay attention to my children, I prioritize listening to what they have to say,
  

• And when my body and mind cry out, I stop thinking and working.

By adjusting to the circumstances around me and my own state of being in that way,

what I can do now
what I want to do now
what I should do now

I realized that I like to discern and engage with these things.

Being able to spend my days taking control of them like this
might only be possible because I am a freelancer,
and my husband works and supports our household finances.
It is a way of living that holds up because of that.

However, regardless of the situation one is in,

whether it is housework, work, or child-rearing,

I believe there is room for choice in what state, situation, and mindset you do them in,
and that you are the one making those choices
after all.

I believe that being at my most comfortable

is good for my family,
good for myself,
and good for society,

so I am allowed to live my life this way.

My goal right now is

to increase my sensitivity to my own "comfort"

.

I will turn 50 next month.

Until now, it has been my parents, my husband, my children, my mom friends, my friends, my colleagues, society...

These were the core of how I made decisions.

But for the rest of my life, I want to live a life where “I” am the core.

So, I want to thoroughly discard the things still smoldering inside me:

• things I do while suppressing my feelings,

• things I do without being convinced,

• feeling frustrated while blaming someone else,

• wasting energy trying to change someone other than myself
  

and my goal is to live more and more lightly.

For that purpose, in this last month before turning 50,

I will spend my time thoroughly pursuing

“What is ‘me’?” and “What is ‘my’ comfort?”

Starting today, I am going to watch my favorite baseball team with my favorite people♡

Today's post was also meant as a kind of “declaration!” to myself.

Thank you for reading again today.
I hope this serves as a hint for someone out there (^^)

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