A story about realizing my mother's love on Mother's Day

My mother is crying on the other end of the phone.

As far as I know, my mother is not the type of person to shed tears in front of others.
That includes even in front of her children.
I have never seen my mother cry, except at my sister's wedding and my own.

And yet, my mother is crying on the other end of the phone right now.

A few days ago.
Due to the florist's schedule, the flowers my husband and I sent arrived earlier than Mother's Day.

She was calling to thank me for them.

Sending flowers every Mother's Day has become a routine.
When the flowers arrive, my mother always calls me.
Then, we catch up on each other's lives.
Our conversations always exceed 30 minutes in the blink of an eye.

That is how we have spent Mother's Day every year.

However, this year is different.

What happened to my mother, who is crying on the other end of the phone?

I am bewildered by my mother's unusual behavior.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

Naturally, I couldn't help but ask.

But my mother just kept crying and wouldn't talk at first.
Worried, I asked again.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

Then, while still sobbing, she finally spoke.

"I was so happy. About the flowers."

Honestly, I was surprised.
After all, I send flowers every year, and it has become a routine for her to say, 'Thank you for the flowers. By the way, how are you guys doing?' and then start chatting.

However, this year is different.
For my mother, who never cries in front of others, to cry because she was happy about flowers—something is definitely not right.

"I always send you flowers. Is something different this year?"

I started to get worried.

Had she become seriously ill without me knowing, and was she about to confess it?
Or had she been scammed and fallen into a difficult situation?
Had my father, who rarely makes mistakes, done something wrong?
What kind of distress could be great enough to make my mother, who never cries, weep?

I was afraid, not knowing what she was going to say.
Given how unusual my mother's behavior was, I couldn't help but imagine the worst-case scenario.
However, I still waited for her words.

Then, my mother opened her heavy mouth.

"It's because you care about me so much."

…I was let down.
She's crying over something like that?
Unlike me, who is prone to tears, you rarely cry—are you really doing this?
Are you hiding something?

Since it was an unexpected reason for me, I couldn't accept it.
Convinced that my mother was hiding a major secret, I continued the conversation.

"That's only natural. After all, you're my mother. More than that, you started crying so suddenly that I'm actually worried. Is something wrong?"

Then my mother opened her mouth again, still crying.

"It's not just because you care about me. It's because you looked healthier than I expected."

Even when she said that, I couldn't be convinced.

"Would you really cry over something like that? It's not like you, and I'm surprised."

Those words slipped out before I could stop them.
However, my mother continued.

"Of course I would. I've been worried about your illness."

The moment my mother said that, I remembered a certain day.
It was the day I went to see my parents to tell them that I had to take a leave of absence due to depression.

It was just the beginning of September, and the lingering summer heat was still intense.
I had reached my limit after continuing to work while undergoing treatment for depression.
Unable to work as I wanted, my doctor gave me a medical certificate stating that I had to take a leave of absence, even if it had to be forced.

In reality, I should have contacted my workplace and my husband immediately.
However, for some reason, after leaving the hospital, I wanted to see my parents.

I contacted my parents and headed straight to my parents' house.

As soon as I entered the house, I told my parents that my doctor had issued a diagnosis for a leave of absence.

Before I knew it, my mother was holding me as I couldn't stop crying while we were talking.
While saying, "It's okay," she kept patting the back of her daughter, who was taller than her, just as one would soothe a small child.

Having unburdened myself to my parents about things I couldn't even tell my husband, I felt calm and headed home in time for my children's return.

Since that day, my parents never asked about my medical condition unless I brought up the topic of my illness myself.

In my mind, I felt I had been reporting my condition to my parents.
I had even told them that my condition had improved and that my doctor had suggested I return to work.
So, I never expected my mother to cry on the phone.

I was flustered by my mother's tears.
Before I knew it, I was crying along with her.

"I'm sorry for worrying you."

That was all I could manage to say.

However, my mother continued.

"No matter how many years pass, a child is still a child. Since worrying is about all I can do, please let me worry."

And then, she started crying again.

I had wanted to avoid causing my parents trouble or worry.
When I became ill, I even blamed myself, wondering how much longer I intended to make my parents worry.

But my mother told me that she wanted me to at least let her worry.

I was reminded that my mother's love is even greater and deeper than I had imagined.

"I still can't beat you, Mom."
"Well, of course. I've been a mother longer than you have."

We laughed together while crying.
Then, we finally caught up on our daily lives as usual and hung up the phone.

Mother's Day is supposed to be a day for children to express their gratitude to their mothers, but this time, it turned into a day where I was reminded of my mother's love.

Today is the real Mother's Day.

I've decided.

I'll stop by my parents' house, even if just for a little while.
And I will tell my mother how grateful I am, face to face.

This has been a long post, but thank you for sticking with me until the end.

#66DayWritingChallenge Day 55 of participation.