Diary of Feeding the Jealousy Monster
I keep a monster in my heart.
Its name is "Jealousy."
Jealousy doesn't usually appear in my daily life. That's because there are almost no elements in my everyday routine that make me envious of others. For example, when I see a friend post a life on Instagram that's more sparkling than mine, I just think, "Wow, that's dazzling." No further emotions arise. If I thought, "I want to be like that too," feelings of jealousy might well up, but it seems there's nothing lying around in my daily world that serves as food for jealousy.
The place where the food for my jealousy is scattered is the world of creation.
In other words, note.
There are many wonderful writers on note. I have nothing but sincere respect for all of them. However, it's a platform where you might think you're standing shoulder-to-shoulder with someone, only to be suddenly left in the dust one day. That's what makes note interesting and appealing, but at the same time, it becomes food for my jealousy monster.
For example, it goes like this.
Me: "Oh, that person is writing an interesting article."
Jealousy: "Found some tasty food! ♡"
Me: "That person's article has so many likes and comments."
Jealousy: "Oh, here's some food too! ♡"
Me: "That person was chosen for a featured article!"
Jealousy: "Found some extra-large food. Looks like I'm going to be full! ♡"
Every time something happens that makes me feel uneasy, the jealousy monster smirks. Then, it tosses the food into its mouth and chews happily. It's a glutton that loves seconds, so it's troublesome if left alone. If I remain obedient to its demands for more, the monster's body grows in an instant and tries to dominate my heart.
Jealousy: "Hey, give me seconds! ♡ Feel more uneasy! ♡"
Its demands know no bounds.
In that case, I have to take action too.
Don't think you can always toy with my jealousy.
Me: "That person is popular. I'm envious."
Jealousy: "Oh, you're feeling uneasy. That's food! ♡ Food! ♡"
Me: "I guess I'm just not strong enough yet. I'll do my best."
Jealousy: "Hey! Why aren't you feeling uneasy! This tastes terrible, I can't eat this!"
The jealousy monster shrank. That's the way.
Me: "I'm envious that that person got so many likes."
Jealousy: "Alright, this time for sure! Food! Food!"
Me: "I must have room to grow too! I'll aim for a good article!"
Jealousy: "Seriously, why are you looking forward? This tastes bland."
By diluting the flavor of my unease like this, the monster can't grow. But the monster doesn't give up easily either.
Me: "I wonder how many times that person has been featured. That's amazing."
Jealousy: "I think they've been chosen about five times. That's some tasty-looking food! ♡"
Me: "I haven't been chosen at all lately, so I'm envious."
Jealousy: "Right? Why don't you feel even more uneasy? ♡"
Me: "I'm working hard too, though."
Jealousy: "That's the spirit! ♪ When you feel uneasy, the food increases! ♡"
Why, it's trying to negotiate with me! It's trying to make my unease grow so it can get its hands on some delicious food. What a cunning creature. I can't lose here.
Me: "I won't get chosen if I don't write. I'll write."
Jealousy: "Huh? What are you talking about? I hate the word 'steady'!!"
The jealousy monster shrinks before my eyes. But it doesn't disappear. That's because it has completely settled into my heart. All I can do is keep the food as small as possible so the monster doesn't get fat, make it exercise (create) in moderation, and let it rest in moderation as we live together.
Jealousy: 'I wonder if more frustration will come my way today♡'
As if waiting for my frustration, the jealousy monster is waiting today with its mouth wide open.
I had been ignoring it because I didn't think my jealousy was interesting, but I can't just let it pass by, so I'm participating, even if it's at the last minute.
#JealousyFestival
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