Seeing, yet not seeing. Reading 'In the Megachurch'

'In the Megachurch' was a story that couldn't be described in a single word.

However, the part that stuck with me the most after finishing it was the final scene. Even though his daughter Sumika is visible in the footage Kubota is watching on YouTube, he doesn't notice her at all. Since they have only been connected through monthly video calls since the divorce, he doesn't recognize her even when he sees her with her hair dyed purple and dressed in an all-purple outfit.

Because he only sees her as one of the fans supporting Bloome, the group he was involved in planning, it never crosses his mind that his daughter is spending the money he gave her for study abroad to support Bloome. It seemed a bit comical that Kubota, who appears to be the protagonist who sees things clearly, is actually blind to the people most important to him.

Kubota was on the management side of Bloome. His job was to create a story that would make Bloome strongly supported, gain enthusiastic fans, and build excitement.

He doesn't realize that his daughter Sumika is among them. Even though the possibility shouldn't be zero, he assumes Sumika is not the type of person to be devoted to such a fandom.

That disconnect felt scary to me.

Both Kubota and Sumika are looking at the same Bloome. Yet, the meaning of what they are seeing is completely different. They seem connected, but in reality, they are not.

Although they are connected by monthly video calls, I feel that the connection is thin and fragile, like a thread about to snap. Just meeting through a screen doesn't make for lively conversation, nor does it allow them to see each other's lives.

Suddenly, I remembered the phrase 'it's easier to narrow your field of view' that appeared somewhere in the text.

It is certainly difficult to broaden one's perspective. You encounter things you don't know, your thoughts and sometimes even your core values waver, and you may even lose sight of your own position. Even though you might meet a new version of yourself if you keep broadening it without giving up, many people find it too much trouble.

On the other hand, when you narrow your field of view, you can devote yourself only to what you like and dig as deep as you want. You can cut off doubts from the outside world and just believe in what you want to believe. Then, a comfortable space of your own expands there. As long as what you want to believe in doesn't disappear, you can just live relying on that.

But is that really okay?
In flowing toward the easier path, aren't there things being overlooked?

Sumikawa, the other protagonist of the story, was a little different.

Sumikawa was supporting a stage actor with all her might. However, after that actor died by suicide, she became caught up in conspiracy theories.

She had been living in a world with a narrow field of view from the beginning. Moreover, as she became devoted to conspiracy theories, her world became even narrower. It felt to me as if she had moved from one narrow world she was looking at to another narrow world.

And finally, she ends up giving a speech in Shibuya. In that scene, a moment of coming to her senses arrives while her companions are scuffling with the police.

The moment she stared at Chamisuru (= Sumika).

Perhaps that was a time when a small hole was poked into Sumikawa's closing world.

She didn't wake up completely. Even so, it felt as if the world she had been looking at until now had wavered.

On the other hand, Kubota never notices until the end.

While living in the same story, there are those who are beginning to notice and those who do not.

Where does that difference lie?

Bloome, which Kubota was involved with, was a world that was visible and a story of success. For Kubota, who is still clinging to the successes of past Western music promotions, Bloome might be like a large ship where he can dream those dreams once again.

However, he cannot see his daughter, who is outside that ship. He is completely unaware that his daughter is about to board the ship called Bloome as a believer. He knows nothing about his daughter's reality.

Seeing, yet not seeing.
They seem to intersect, yet they pass each other by.
They pass by without ever noticing.

I felt a little scared, thinking that such things might really happen.
And perhaps, this story might even happen to me.