Using time luxuriously.

Do you ever feel guilty about spending time in a relaxed way? Especially when you spend every day chasing time, don't you feel a sense of guilt about having leisurely time? It's strange, isn't it, even though there's nothing wrong with it.

I used to be busy too, so whenever I had free time, I would pack my schedule with tasks, thinking, 'I'll get this done.' I wanted to make effective use of my spare time and felt it was a waste otherwise. It's what you call 'time performance.' Because time is finite, I was trying to move efficiently.

There's nothing wrong with packing your schedule. Using time effectively is a good thing. There isn't just one right answer for how to use time. There are as many right answers as there are people. You can use it however you like. But no matter the method, there is no need to push yourself beyond your capacity.

I think some people are better suited to being busy than having leisurely time. However, it seems I wasn't that type. My experience with depression also plays a role. Now, if I don't have time to rest properly, I can't move when I need to. Even so, I sometimes long to be able to move briskly like I did when I was living a busy life, and I recall the sense of fulfillment I had back then. As a result, I still end up overdoing it, and the backlash leaves me unable to move at all the next day.

That is precisely why time to relax is necessary for me. It is time I want to cherish just as much as acting briskly. If I can move with a sense of rhythm, I suppose I can find balance. However, I still cannot shake the guilt I feel about having time to relax. It seems the habits from when I was busy with work and housework haven't completely left me.

I thought about how I could stop feeling guilty about having leisurely time. I want to do something about the fact that even though I understand it in my head, my habitual way of thinking makes me feel impatient. So, I rephrased spending time slowly.

Using time luxuriously.

I don't mean spending money to be luxurious. I am describing taking plenty of time to rest my body. Instead of just lazing around aimlessly, calling it 'luxury' to intentionally spend time in a relaxed way makes it feel like a reward.

Don't you ever say, 'I worked hard, so I'll have dessert today'? In the same way, I think I will make resting properly a reward for myself. Resting is not a bad thing. To make it something good, I will treat resting time as a gift to myself. For me, this is the best way to spend slow, relaxed time comfortably.

I want to seriously commit to 'using time luxuriously,' which is different from making excuses to slack off.