"I don't want to go to school." Don't let it end with just those words

"I don't want to go to school."

When your child says that to you,
can you easily say,
"Okay, let's take the day off"?


Of course, if they have a high fever,

if their heart is exhausted to the limit,

or if they are being bullied,

there may be days when they
truly need to stay home.

But even if the reason is bullying,
is it really okay to just end it with
"Then you don't have to go to school"?


If they are being pushed to the point of life-threatening distress,
ensuring their safety is the top priority.

But after that,
there are things that must be done.

Finding out what the cause is.

Taking action to solve the problem.

It can never be good to leave a child
without the opportunity to learn.

Going to school is not the only answer.

For families who can homeschool,
or for those who use free schools,
I think it is wonderful that there are
learning environments that suit the child.

What is important is
not "where they learn,"
but that there is an environment where the child can continue to learn.

Education is
not just about acquiring academic skills.

How to interact with people.

How to ask for help when in trouble.

Social rules.

The experience of success and failure.

While learning these things,
children grow little by little.

However,
if they lose the very opportunity to interact with people
and continue learning,
it may narrow their future options.

Therefore,
to protect the child's future,
adults must prepare the environment,
and never give up on finding
the learning and place that suits that child.

What parents should do first

I am raising a child with
ADHD and ASD traits.

However,
they have not been placed in a special needs class.

Although there is a diagnosis,
because my daughter loves interacting with people,

and because she is like a mood maker in the class,
it was judged that "a regular class should be fine."
But that "brightness"

sometimes backfired.
My daughter is not good at reading the room.

Even when just playing, she might go too far,

misjudge the distance,
or say exactly what she is thinking.
She has no malicious intent.

It is just that because of her traits,

a gap with those around her is created.
That gap piled up,

and her relationship with friends gradually worsened.
There were even things like bullying.

That class happened to have

many rowdy boys.
The original homeroom teacher

also became ill,
and was replaced by a substitute.
My daughter

loved the first teacher.
After the teacher changed,

I heard her say,
"School is not fun,"
and the whole class began to get rough.
"I don't want to go to school."

Precisely because she loves people and loves school,

when she said that,
I felt it was serious because of the human relationships
or the lack of compatibility with the teacher.
But I thought it was wrong to just end it at school with


"She is being bullied, so she will be absent."

• What does the homeroom teacher understand?

• What is the situation with the offending students?

• What kind of response will the school take?

• What will they do to prevent recurrence?

It was necessary to confirm that far

and demand improvement.

The homeroom teacher's response was terrible,
and they were one of the worst people I have ever dealt with.


I had felt that
from our previous interactions.

They blamed everything on my daughter.
Because my daughter bothers others.
Because my daughter is restless.

Even though they knew about her traits,

without ever supporting the parent,

every time there was a problem,

they said my daughter was at fault.
I had built up anger
at the teacher's response and
the way they spoke, which was insulting.

This teacher
lacked the most important things,
both as a person

and as a teacher.

Of course,
it might have been difficult to come in as a homeroom teacher halfway through.

That is precisely why

I think they were in a position that required
a more careful attitude toward children and parents.
Children with ADHD or ASD traits

are not restless on purpose,
nor do they fail to read the room on purpose.
The child themselves

does not know what to do,
and is living every day desperately.
Yet,

looking only at the behavior in front of them,
they decide "this child is bad."
How much does that word

hurt the child's self-esteem?
How much does it
corner the parent's heart?

That teacher
did not understand that.

So I
acted to protect my daughter.

I consulted with the Board of Education,
and that teacher received a warning.

And,
there was an apology to us as parent and child,

and guidance was also provided by the school
to the offending students.

Even after that,
my daughter's feeling that "this class is not very fun"

did not change.
That is because

people have compatibility with each other,
so it cannot be helped.
When you go out into society,

you will interact with various people.
I had no choice but to hope
that she would overcome it little by little


as one of those experiences.
Even so,

she stopped saying
"I don't want to go to school,"
and as a parent,

I faced the cause of her not wanting to go to school,
and I was relieved
that I could improve it even a little.

Not everything was solved.
But,
the fact that the days when my daughter could go to school with peace of mind
returned little by little
was more than anything else, a joy.

Children

spend most of their day at school.
The fact that they cannot feel safe in that place
is a very great suffering for a child.
That is why parents help.

Do not leave it to the school.
If it cannot be solved by the homeroom teacher alone,

it is okay to consult the vice principal, the principal,
and the Board of Education.

That is

not to blame the school.

It is to regain an environment where the child
can learn with peace of mind.
Of course, I

do not intend to unilaterally protect her
just because "she is my daughter."

I will always listen to both sides,
and after confirming the facts, move toward a solution.


Isn't that the very first thing
a parent can do?

To protect the child's future

Parents
should be in a society where they can send their children to school
with peace of mind.

It should not be a society where only children leave school
and lose even the opportunity to learn.
Even if they

stayed home from school today,
what will they do tomorrow and beyond?
As long as the same problem exists,

the child will say
"I don't want to go to school" again and again.
Around me,

there are many parents who think,
"If they don't want to go to school, don't make them."
I hear stories that they don't go to school,

have no opportunity to learn or interact with people,
and just play games all day,
with every day passing by.
Every time I hear that story,

I am incredibly puzzled.
As a parent,

why don't they try to provide an environment where the child can learn?
I don't mean to say that games are bad.
Time to rest the heart is also necessary,

and there are children for whom games are a relief.

But,
if that state continues for months or years,

opportunities to acquire reading, writing, and communication skills decrease,
and the child's future options

will gradually narrow.
There is always some cause

for why a child does not want to go to school.
Therefore,


instead of ending it with "you don't have to go,"
facing the reason why the child does not want to go to school

is an important role as a parent.
Even if they need glasses,
you wouldn't say, "If you can't see, that's fine."
Even if they have a broken leg,
you wouldn't end it with, "If you can't walk, you don't have to walk."

You get treatment.
You do rehabilitation.
You support them so that they can live as easily as possible.

In the same way,
you face the reason why they cannot go to school
as much as possible.

If the parent gives up,

the child

might think, "It's fine as it is."

The one at fault
is not the child who doesn't want to go to school.
It is the reason they don't want to go to school.

Finding that reason
together with the child.
Is it "hard to wake up in the morning"?
"Can't keep up with studies"?

Are they worried about "relationships with friends"?
Is it compatibility with the teacher?

Is the classroom painful due to sensory sensitivity?

Are developmental traits involved?
There are as many reasons

as there are children.

Therefore,

instead of ending it with "you don't have to go,"

I want as many parents as possible to realize the importance of

thinking together about a method that suits that child.

Children grow every day.

That is why how they spend that time
is very important.

If they cannot go to school,
there is also the option of learning in another place.
Studying at home.

Learning deeply about what they like.
Creating opportunities to interact with people.
You can search together as parent and child


for a way of learning or a place that suits that child.

What I want to convey as a fellow parent

If you know the cause of not wanting to go to school,

it can lead to support.

Sometimes you can change the environment.

Sometimes you can change the way of learning.

The future can be changed in any number of ways.



What is important
is not just "going to school."

Creating an environment where the child
can continue to grow.

Therefore,
when a child says "I don't want to go to school,"
don't just let those words end there.

"What is hard?"

"What would make it a little easier?"

"What is a way of learning that suits you?"

You don't need to find
the answer immediately.

But,
please don't give up on searching.

For the sake of the child's future.

Parents,
please be the child's greatest ally.

Children
are important beings who will support Japan's future.

Now that the declining birthrate is progressing,
each child learning with peace of mind
and growing in their own way
is not just for that child.

It is also for the future of Japan.

That is precisely why,
so that children can find a place
where they can learn in their own way,
I want you to keep walking together without rushing.