What is bad-mouthing?

Simply put,
why do people bad-mouth others?

When do they do it, I wonder?

The face of someone who is bad-mouthing
looks mean-spirited

and becomes an unattractive face,
I always feel...

It has a mocking feel to it.

And, where does bad-mouthing begin
and where does it end, I wonder?

When I looked it up,
it seems the subject is different.

Bad-mouthing has the "other person" as the subject.

Complaining has "me" as the subject.

I am conscious of making myself the subject
in my daily life

in order to distinguish between myself and others.

When you make the "other person" the subject,
it feels like you are blaming them.

To convey your own feelings,
you cannot get your point across unless you make yourself the subject.

In the first place, why do you
get to decide things about me?
That's how I feel, and

You can talk about yourself, but
only I can talk about me

That's just what you thought, isn't it?

That guy is, that person is
this and that

It's strange...

I think
I consider
I felt

Why don't you make it your own words?
I wonder why?

Not making it your own words
and leaving yourself absent

Making the "other person" the subject

When you are absent
and take no responsibility

That's a cruel thing to say

Words that are spat out
and words released on impulse

Words that have no subject

They are irresponsible words

Those kinds of words,
I won't accept

Because it's an irresponsible way to speak

it's hard to take in, isn't it?

I want you to use yourself as the subject,
speak as your own opinion,
and take responsibility for what you say.

Instead of just spitting out words.

It's unpleasant, after all.

What do people who bad-mouth others
gain by putting them down?

It seems like they are trying to raise themselves by lowering others.

Arbitrarily assigning superiority and inferiority,
belittling others or trying to one-up them,

because that person themselves views things in terms of superiority and inferiority,
and judges based on likes and dislikes,

they probably feel that they are being viewed
in the same way by the other person.

If you didn't view things that way,
perhaps you wouldn't feel that way either.

I think this based on my own experience,

but once I stopped viewing things that way,
I stopped feeling that way.

In a sense,
it becomes a yardstick for
how you view the other person.

A way to become aware of who you are at that moment

It acts as a scale

I make it a point to take responsibility for my own
actions

I also make it a point to praise myself
even for small things

To truly feel myself

Conversely, I'm even told I'm strong
because I have a sense of self

I don't break easily
and I am grounded

There is no need to speak ill of others

Raising my self-esteem
and living my own life fully

I don't worry too much about
what others are doing
I can just praise myself

I can take pride in my actions and my virtues✨

Praising yourself
isn't being a narcissist or anything like that

No matter how others see it
it's just about how you perceive yourself
after all

Treating others' evaluations as others' evaluations
my own evaluation as my own evaluation
and my position in society as my position in society

I just check the status of where I stand

I am taking care of my mind and body and doing well♪

I may be lazy day to day, but that's not all I am,
because there are things I'm working hard at too♡

I think that just being alive
is an amazing thing, you know✨

Bad-mouthing doesn't really help you vent, does it?

Bad-mouthing is like a habit or an addiction.
Once you start, it becomes easier to keep doing it and you can't stop.

It's pitiful to only be able to see the bad in things,
and it makes it harder to feel true happiness, doesn't it?

It's like going out of your way to collect bad things,
and you're just dragging yourself down more and more.

Comparing yourself to others,
low self-confidence,

What else could it be?
I don't know,

I feel like the way you see things
is how you feel others see you too.
I think that's what it's about.

How you view things

isn't that what it comes down to?

The ability to pick up on positive things
is truly happiness, after all.

As self-esteem increases,
I feel like I stop saying bad things♪

Surrounded by positive things,
I of course also have negative things.

But rather than negative things,
it's just that there are more positive things.

Gathering positive things and increasing them,
that's all it is,

People tend to pick up on negative things.

It's such a waste.

Even if I vent,
I don't speak ill of others.

People who don't understand that difference
are surely unaware of their own standing.

They probably don't realize they are speaking ill of others.

I try to keep in mind to look at the good parts✨

When you are looking at the bad parts,
you end up seeing only that, as if you are nitpicking.

You stop seeing anything but the bad things.
I notice that about myself too, so...

I wonder if my own heart had become mean-spirited,
and an unpleasant version of myself comes to mind...

I wonder if my eyes had become sharp and narrow.

When I think about it that way,

I think it's important to be able to shift the focus
you had on others back toward yourself.

If you keep focusing on others,
I feel like you can't notice yourself...

Because you're only choosing and picking up the bad things about them!

That said,
picking up only the bad things about yourself is the same thing.
Keep it as a warning.

Don't just pick up the bad things.

That's the seed of bad-mouthing, after all.

Picking up the seeds,
scattering them,
nurturing them,
and making ugly flowers bloom.

People who like ugly flowers
are probably lured by the scent of ugly flowers.

To me, they are flowers that hold no appeal.

Distinguishing between beautiful flowers and ugly flowers.

Because I don't want to sow
the seeds of ugly flowers.

...Thank you for reading...

#note
#essay
#badmouthing
#firstperson
#facingoneself
#selflove
#stateofmind
#perspective
#heart