[Repost] Comfort heals even the past version of myself✨

While organizing my articles, I
came across a nostalgic one...

Why is it that I value comfort so much?

I know how wonderful
the happiness of being able to feel at ease truly is.

Being able to sleep in peace,
being able to eat in peace,
the happiness of having one's safety protected

living

is something I cannot help but feel!

Each of us has
felt danger in our own way,
a state of mind only those who have felt it can understand.

What do you notice there, and what do you accept?

Carving out
your own life yourself!✨

Even a miserable, painful, and difficult past

can be healed by comfort💕

I'm glad I didn't give up on my life✨

The walls in life are tests for oneself!

Thinking about your own life
and trying to make it a reality,
I believe such a time will come.

Attracting that to yourself
might also be part of who you are,

for the comfortable time that will eventually arrive💕

[Repost]

The reason I want to feel so much healing and comfort

It is because

Finding peace, relaxing slowly, and savoring the moment

It feels like I am reclaiming things I couldn't do before

Because I have finally reached a point where I can experience the feeling of being at peace...

Living a relaxed life

That a day would come when I could spend my time like this

Was something my younger self could never have imagined

In my early twenties, I was doing everything I could just to face the reality that had befallen me

My dreams, my hopes, my life

I lived by casting those aside

Supporting my family, ensuring that I and my family could survive

That was my top priority

Fortunately, I was out of touch with trends.

Makeup, clothes, and dressing up were luxuries.

I had neither the time nor the money to enjoy trips or leisure activities with friends.

Even going out to eat with friends for social reasons,

I would decline because I couldn't enjoy it the same way.

I worked day and night without rest.

It was truly, incredibly painful, harsh, miserable, and pathetic,

and I cried many times...

The world outside of me looked bright and beautifully radiant.

It was an enviable world that was out of my reach.

My younger sister was troubled; she had a strong sense of inferiority, extreme thinking, and was prone to inappropriate behavior.

My youngest sister was clever and well-liked by those around her, but due to her age,
she only thought about herself and was uncooperative during her late rebellious phase.

My mother was dependent and full of instability; she sought help from religion, clutching at straws.

My grandmother also relied on religion along with my mother; she also had difficulty walking.

How could I possibly steer this family in a decent direction...

My only wish was for each of us to become independent

That was my twenties

Testing myself in society

Improving my skills

I had no luxury to think about such leisurely things

Ensuring my family didn't struggle for food

Just being able to survive

First and foremost, protecting the security of our daily lives was everything

Even in an environment that could have made me feel inferior

I was supported by the people around me

The people I met wherever I went

Would say, 'Don't worry about the money, let's go eat together'

There were people by my side who would take me out

I decline because I feel bad about it, but

that kind of person is somehow pushy, generous, and reliable✨

Saying, "It's fine, it's fine, let's go, let's go!" a bit forcefully

they would drag me around

I feel a bit miserable just having them pay for everything, but

if they hadn't done that, I probably wouldn't have made any friends at work

and I wouldn't have been able to enjoy eating out with other women

They gave me those opportunities and gave me joy

I had nothing but gratitude for such friends

A female friend one year younger than me, a peer I could talk to about anything and hang out with, like a boyfriend
She made a large, beautiful bouquet for me to use at my wedding

At another workplace, a female senior 10 years my senior, who was like an older sister and took good care of me
She gave a friend's speech at my wedding

In another place, a peer 20 years my senior, who had many friends of all ages and genders
a person who enjoyed life
She became the inspiration for the kind of 40s I wanted to spend

There is a phrase from her that I can never forget

When I said that she was always so good to me, but I felt bad because I couldn't return the favor

she said,

"You don't have to return it to me! Just do it for someone else next time!"

That is what she said

There are people in this world who have such wonderful thoughts✨

That's what I thought

The kindness I received from her

I vowed in my heart that one day I would give it back in the same way, say the same words, and pass that kindness on

That is what I swore in my heart

There are other places where I am supported as well

My male friends from back home since junior high school

Even while they would put me down, I could feel the affection there

They accepted me as one of the group

Friends with whom I shared our values and thoughts

Of course, they would always treat me to meals

It's a place that accepts me no matter what I'm like

The male customers at the snack bar who were 10 or 20 years older than me

Hearing stories from various people in different professions broadened my perspective

We would drink together and talk, and they treated me like a younger sister or daughter

I couldn't hold onto dreams or hopes for my own life, but

how to enjoy things within my current situation, and how I could find ways to enjoy them

I feel like that is what I have been doing.

Even in self-sacrificing situations,

the one thing I never compromised on

was dance✨

Being able to dance

was the only thing I allowed myself to do.

My reason for living.

In truth, I wanted to devote myself to it completely.

It was so frustrating that I could only do it in moderation given my circumstances!

Even while feeling that frustration,

I found a way to come to terms with my environment,

and I was able to enjoy many things with my dance friends and build connections.

It was my precious place✨

In my 20s, I was doing everything I could just to keep myself together

There were people around me

who supported me

There was no place at home where I could find peace

Perhaps that is why I created so many places for myself outside

Lacking composure, I would sometimes lash out at my friends with my emotions

Even so, my friends faced me and accepted me

I am blessed with friends

That feeling has not changed even now

There are always friends around me who help me

Struggling in my 20s, yet moving at full speed 24 hours a day

In my 30s, I struggled with raising children

In my 40s, I re-evaluated myself

Finally, I am able to spend my days in calm peace

I couldn't find any dreams or hope in life

Even though I had given up on life in my 20s

Somewhere along the way

Thinking about my own life

Trying to make it a reality

I think a time like that will come

Attracting that to myself

Perhaps that is also part of who I am

For the comfortable time that will eventually arrive💕

・・Thank you for reading・・