When I Was Thinking About the Need for Approval

Exactly one year ago

Something I wrote on another blog

I wonder what I was feeling and thinking a year ago...

I looked back on myself

It was written about the need for approval

I would like to make that into an article again

The me from a year ago... I was feeling things like this...

Everyone lives within the need for approval

Maslow's need for approval is famous

People live seeking the need for approval

It is natural, but the intensity varies from person to person

If the desire is strong, it eventually becomes an addiction
Some people may notice that, while others may not

The need for approval and addiction are deeply related

To what extent can one desire approval without it becoming an addiction?

If you can maintain yourself even when your desires are not met,
you could say that you have desires without being dependent on them.

When the need for approval is not met,
if you become obsessed with it, cannot forget it, or keep seeking it,
then that has become a dependency.

In other words, when you can no longer maintain yourself,
people try to satisfy their desires and become dependent.

It is as if that approval has become something essential to maintain yourself,
to compensate for your own shortcomings.

Using that approval to maintain yourself,
you are trying to maintain yourself with something other than yourself.

In commonly used terms,
"I have no confidence" or "I have low self-esteem."

It is expressed in such words.
When in such a state, it can be said that people are prone to dependency as they try to satisfy their need for approval.

However, I do not really like these phrases.

Because people say "I have no confidence" or "I have low self-esteem,"
they tend to use expressions like "have confidence" or "have self-esteem."

For people who are in a proactive and relatively positive state,
they might be able to shift their thinking.
They might even be able to boost their spirits.

But for people who have no confidence, have low self-esteem,
or are in a negative state, proactive action is a high hurdle,
and it is painful.

They feel inferior because they cannot do it.
They lose even more confidence.
They lower their self-esteem.
It feels like those expressions only exacerbate the problem.

If I were to express it,
"feeling confidence" or "feeling self-esteem,"
I would like to express it as realizing yourself.

By noticing what you can do and what you can affirm within yourself,
you become able to affirm yourself.
Only by being able to turn your attention to that can you finally have confidence.

I feel that telling someone who has no confidence to have confidence is an irresponsible statement.
How can you have something that you do not have?
That is a difficult task.

People who rely on others to maintain their sense of self
are not looking at what they can affirm within themselves

This is because they cannot find it within themselves.
First, being able to look there,
and being able to notice what you can affirm,
that becomes a clue to having self-confidence.

We who live within the need for approval
in order to become independent without relying on others,
it is important to notice what we can affirm about ourselves.

The me from a year ago

had the same thoughts as I do now ✨

Looking back at the article,

I, too,

felt that I could affirm myself 😊

An article where I thought about independence.

Noriko Tonomura, a noter (https://note.com/no0526nko),
thank you for reading my previous article and helping me look back on it ✨
Thank you very much 💕