Thinking of Mother

The anniversary of my mother's passing.

Has it already been two years? I have been thinking about my mother less and less.

While that is natural, I feel somewhat like a heartless person, and that feeling clouded my heart.

To live my days without any worries, to be so content and peaceful that I even forget about my mother.

I choose to reframe this positively, thinking that perhaps this is a form of filial piety, showing that I am not doing anything that would cause her to worry.

When I think of my mother, her smile and good memories come to mind first, but since that wasn't all there was, her unpleasant aspects also surface like shadows.

Thinking of my mother and feeling it softly like a breeze feels just right somehow.

I let her smile and good qualities come to mind, and like a soap bubble, I let them float away and pop.

That is just right.

Last year, I dwelled on my thoughts of her, but now, rather than dwelling, I let them surface for a moment and then gently let them fade.

That seems to be the way I hold those thoughts now.

When the three sisters are together again, we should talk a lot about Mother.

In the hearts of us three sisters, various images of our mother will remain forever.

A part of a letter I received from my daughter, my second daughter.

“I’m glad I’m your daughter” —

Have I ever felt that way about my own mother...?
For a long time, I felt that being my mother's daughter was somehow unfortunate.

However,
the fun things, the happy things, the sad things, and the annoying things,
the feeling that I received all of those from my mother,
might be the same for me as well.

I think I was able to experience so many different feelings.

I’m glad you were my mother,
I haven't really been able to think that way,
but the feelings hidden behind that are,

I wanted to rely on my mother so much more.

I wanted to be allowed to remain a child.

Because those feelings are so strong...

My unrequited feelings
were feelings of longing for my mother's love.

The fact remains that the feelings I directed toward my mother were strong.

In the two years that have passed,
thinking of my mother...

・・Thank you for reading・・

#PuttingHeartIntoWords
#Yuyu
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#ThinkingOfMother