I Like Being Unusual 2

While feeling that

I was unusual,

in my childhood,

my own senses were what mattered.

That changed

around the third grade of elementary school.

The differences between others and myself

started to bother me.

I began comparing myself to those around me,

feeling inferior,

or feeling superior,

and started looking for

how I was different from or the same as others,

rather than just my own sense of pleasure and displeasure.

Belonging as a place to be

Keeping up with the topics around me and

the desire to empathize with others emerged

Here, once again,

differences from others and

subtle differences in values began to be felt

In 3rd and 4th grade, I tried fitting in with those around me, or

valuing myself

and tried to reconcile them through trial and error

In 5th and 6th grade, my own sense of things couldn't keep up

I felt the strength of the sense of belonging among those around me, and

I was desperate to adapt

Adapting is very tough...

Differences from others

I struggled with adaptation and belonging

It was during my elementary school days, but

once I became a middle schooler,

no matter what I did,

the values of those around me and

the way they looked at me with labels

made me completely sick of it.

It didn't fit my own aesthetic...

During my middle school years,

I felt firsthand

that there was no environment that suited my sensibilities.

So, I had mixed feelings of wanting to grow up quickly,

and at the same time, due to my disgust for adults who seemed like bundles of lies,

not wanting to become an adult.

I held these conflicting emotions.

In junior high school,

I felt that the environment had few people who shared my sensibilities,

and I thought that in high school, by being grouped by academic ability,

wouldn't it be an environment where people with similar ways of thinking gather?

Wouldn't I also reach an age where I would be accepted as I get older?

Thinking that way,

both an environment with the same standards and getting older

became my expectations and hopes.

I

have never thought of myself as normal!

There have been times when I wanted to be normal!

At those times,

I would blend in with those around me,

so that I wouldn't appear different.

It is the feeling of assimilating into those around me.

Precisely because I have tried that before,

it was

very dull,

and I felt it was very boring,

feeling as though I were transparent,

becoming the same color as those around me,

a sensation I held.

It was as if

I felt like a chameleon that could turn any color,

or I felt like an empty, invisible person,

a sensation that I had not disappeared.

The middle school version of me who felt such things,

at this moment, thought this!

I have a desire to be normal

It feels safe to blend in with everyone

However

Once I blend in

I felt like I was disappearing and becoming invisible

Normal is safe, but

It is very boring

And very dull

I disappear

And I can no longer tell that I exist

That feeling, too

Is very unpleasant

I want to make my existence

Something that can be seen!

That is why I

stopped trying to blend in with the ordinary!

Rather

so that I don't disappear and become invisible

because I want to feel myself

being unusual

and being different from others

allows me to feel like myself

and that

has becomemy pride!

I also have a heart that wants to be ordinary

But

I also have a heart that wants to be myself

I have both of them, but

once I shake off those thoughts

I realize that being unusual

is what brings out my true self!

I don't want to stand out, but

I don't want to be buried either

I don't stand out on the surface, but

if you look closely, I'm different, right!

That's the part I like about myself

The fact that I like the Blue Ranger

The fact that I like the unsung heroes and the people behind the scenes

And the fact that I like the runner-up

Maybe those roots are intertwined with it all...

Ever since I was little

Feeling like I'm not normal

Feeling like I want to be normal

Feeling like normal is boring

I want to stay unusual!

Being conscious of what's normal

Morally speaking, that perspective

is of course also necessary

However,

when it comes to being normal, I

don't feel any appeal...

I am me!

The answer I came to in middle school

This was

the start of living as myself

My daughters, too

have often felt

that they are not normal.

It is

much the same as

what I have felt.

There are times when they cannot fit in

with the sensibilities of other girls.

In terms of temperament, too,

there are elements that are a little different from those around them.

I am different from others...

Perhaps feeling that way

is something everyone experiences.

I tell my daughters

I have felt the same way too

Do you want to be just like everyone else?

You don't have to push yourself

Being different is a wonderful thing!

Having a unique personality is great!

Having something that makes you different is wonderful✨

It's okay to cherish yourself!✨

Being the same as others is boring!

Finding yourself

is likely possible because others exist

It's nice to be able to empathize with each other

It's also nice that our differences are part of our individuality

You don't have to be normal!

That's what I tell my daughters

Being a bit different

Makes me

And my life

Interesting

I am me!

Uphold morals and conscience

Be yourself!✨

Not normal!

You're different!

To me, that is

a happy compliment💖

I love being unusual!

・・Thank you for reading・・