HSC Childhood

When I was in elementary school, I was sensitive to smells and textures, and my emotions fluctuated so widely that it was difficult to manage them.

As for smells, I couldn't handle the taste or aroma of the food itself, the unique smells of buses and cars, or the feeling of polluted air in crowded places, department stores, movie theaters, and trains.

If I couldn't feel clean air or a breeze, I would feel suffocated and sick. If I went to noisy places, I could enjoy myself, but I would get very tired. People around me called me a child who got tired very easily; that was my childhood.

To describe how it felt: if I reacted to a smell, I would feel sick. If my vision was cluttered with many things, or if I heard many different sounds, I would be overwhelmed by visual and auditory information, leading to fatigue and headaches.

I loved nature as a child, but once I reached adolescence, I started going out to town to hang out. Because of my relationships with friends, I felt that if I didn't overcome the things I was bad at, my ability to enjoy myself would be limited. I sometimes pushed myself too hard, which was tough, but I worked hard to get used to things little by little. As I became an adult, I learned how to cope and manage things well.

I was also picky about food; I disliked everything except lettuce, cucumbers, potatoes, and meat. My mother had a hard time with my meals. I started changing this little by little around adolescence due to feelings of inferiority and shame about not being able to do what others could. Now I can eat almost anything, but I still feel the subtle changes and fine differences in taste.

Regarding texture, when I was little, I couldn't stand things that felt constricting, as they made me feel suffocated. I hated tights and sweaters because they felt tight and itchy. I also disliked the feeling of elastic in pants or clothes, both the constriction and the way it touched my skin. I still can't stand clothing tags even now. If the texture against my skin isn't comfortable, I get itchy or feel suffocated. I try to choose things that suit my own skin sensitivity.

As for emotions, when I was sad, I felt it deeply and couldn't stop crying, and when I was happy, I would get excited. My parents often told me I was being dramatic and would scold me. I was aware from a young age that my emotional swings were large—like not being able to sleep because I was too excited the night before or on the day of a field trip or fun event, or being unable to let go of sad things and failing to shift my mood. When I was small, my capacity for empathy was also high, so I would get deeply immersed in movies, music, or art, becoming the character and finding it hard to snap out of it.

I started reading people's faces around the age of 10. I had felt my parents' and friends' moods before that, but I think I was still developmentally able to express myself. From around age 10, I started thinking about my relationships with friends and became concerned about what I felt from others and those around me. As a result, I couldn't say what I wanted to say, which led to me becoming unable to speak, developing tics, or experiencing psychosomatic symptoms. Although I enjoyed school, I felt social anxiety.

Looking back at my childhood, it resembles elements of ADHD and ASD, but I feel that HSP, which maintains its sensitivity even into adulthood, fits me better and makes perfect sense.

I talked about my childhood, but since adolescence, this hypersensitivity has caused a lot of exhaustion in interpersonal relationships. In my childhood, I just accepted that I had those sensations. So, I had always thought to myself that I was naturally highly sensitive and had strong sensory processing sensitivity!

Even so, although it was a struggle and very difficult, I think I learned about my own traits and managed through trial and error. That was a story about my childhood memories, where I felt that the people around me didn't understand how hard it was.