51 to 49: The Battle Within

The story of 51 to 49

When it comes to things in the heart,

it seems that in most cases,

the outcome is decided by a margin of about 51 to 49!

The difference is only 2, but

in terms of conscious awareness,

it is felt as if it were a 2 to 0 victory.

Making it 2 to 0

For example, in soccer,

a score of 2 points is significant!

And the other side has 0 points!

The 2 points are asserted very strongly.

However,

In fact, in the parts we are not conscious of,

there are 49 thoughts on both sides,

a battle that feels like a complete 2-to-0 victory,

is often just a slight difference of 51 to 49!

Even with the same difference of 2,

the way it feels changes so much.

When deciding on one side of a matter,

the outcome is decided between conflicting feelings!

When one side wins,

only that side comes to the forefront and asserts itself!

But in reality,

the opposite tendency exists there!

For example,

the feeling that one should never rely on others' help, and

the feeling that one wants to be saved even if it means clutching at straws

coexist,

or one might be enthusiastic, saying they will try anything, but

once they start facing the difficult problems that need to be overcome,

the feeling that one wants to get better no matter what, and

the feeling that one refuses to be cured easily

clash,

slowly

approaching 50 to 50,

and in order to endure that or to deceive oneself,

It seems many people speak in loud voices!

If they didn't,

conflicting thoughts

might come to the surface, and they can't stand that.

In cases of "inappropriate voices" or "unnecessarily loud voices,"

the possibility of a reversal is high.

Deciding between two things,

is often a battle,

won by a slim margin of 51 to 49.

If you can grasp this feeling,

you can actually stay calm!

If you take your time and stay composed,

You never know what might happen!

In any case,

there is no need to rush the outcome!

The conscious part and

the unconscious part

inside the heart

a 51 to 49 battle

<From Hayao Kawai's 'Prescriptions for the Heart'>

***

I read this story and felt a connection!

I think such situations are quite common.

Let me share my own experience.

My daughters,

once pleaded with me, saying, "I want to quit school!"

The feeling I had at that moment

was exactly this feeling.

That is why I was able to stay calm,

and remain patient and composed.

(I have written about this in this article.)

I want to quit school

Both my eldest and second daughter have seriously pleaded this to me before.

When I heard that,

the inner voices of my daughters that I felt were,

Honestly, I don't want to quit school...
But, I don't have the confidence to keep going, so I want to quit school...

is what I heard...

It was truly, I want to go to school,

but, right now I don't want to go to school

a conflict of opposing feelings

What lies deep within that heart is

a lack of self-confidence

Perhaps,

if they could have self-confidence,

they wouldn't have said they wanted to quit school

Due to various circumstances,

temporarily, I was extremely

low on self-confidence.

The part I focused on here

was the inner voice saying,

I don't want to quit school!

I was shining a light on the opposite

of the words my daughters were saying,

I want to quit school!

Yes!

The contradictory feeling of

I don't want to quit school,

was visible right behind it!

51 to 49

I felt a battle with such a slight margin!

Therefore,

it might take time,

but without rushing,

I found myself speaking calm words.

My daughters are truly serious.

I accept what they have decided after much worry.

Saying, "I see, I understand,"

and while standing by their feelings,

I offer words for what to do now,

not rushing into the content of their decisions,

I take it in for now and put it on hold.

The reason for that is,

because with the passage of time,

you never know what kind of changes might occur!

I decided to put it on hold for now,

and just go about my days as usual.

Since then,

ever since the plea to "quit school" was made,

there have been no more pleas to "quit school"...

My daughters,

day by day, did what they could

in a calm and steady manner.

If they ever bring it up again,

at that time, based on how things are then,

I will think about it anew!

Yes, I had decided.

I would observe the changes and respond accordingly.

While doing so,

time passed by...

Without ever complaining again...

Before I knew it,

within our own boundaries,

the shape of things gradually changed.

The thought of wanting to quit school slowly faded,

and it changed to continuing to go to school.

The 51 to 49 ratio

became 50 to 50,

and began to reverse.

"I don't want to quit school."

They naturally chose the direction

they wanted to head in and moved forward.

I simply watched over their days,

and did what was necessary when it was needed.

They know best

what they truly want to do.

Without casting aside their feelings,

and while letting them coexist,

they found something they could be satisfied with.

There is no need to rush the outcome...

I remembered those days ✨

From "I want to quit school..."

I know that both my eldest and second daughters were deeply troubled...
They faced the feelings within themselves,

asked themselves over and over,
and thought about it repeatedly in their own way...
Their own feelings,

the conclusions they reached,
they would plead these to me with all their might...

Every one of those thoughts was sincere,

and their feelings really came through...

However, but!
At the same time...

The more they pleaded,
the more clearly I could see
the feelings deep within their hearts...

At the root of their hearts,
I could hear their inner cries...
(I don't have the confidence to keep going at school...)

Try going beyond your own limits!
Just being able to do something
is not the only thing that builds confidence!

Having courage, taking on challenges,
these are also strengths,
and they become confidence too!

What my daughters are seeking,
is,

to have confidence!

...

・・Thank you for reading・・