First Post

Nice to meet you. My name is Suisuisuimy.

Here, I would like to write little by little from various perspectives about myself, having felt that life was difficult because my appearance is different from others.

Having studied psychology, neuroscience, yoga, and coaching, and through my life abroad and various experiences, I have learned and discovered how to face myself, and life has become much easier than before.

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Since birth, I have had a large red birthmark on the upper right side of my body, from my neck to my fingertips. It is a port-wine stain, and since it causes no pain, it does not physically hinder my daily life. However, because it is very noticeable, I have always been conscious of people's gazes, and I have lived my life unconsciously restricting myself from doing what I wanted to do, thinking,someone like me is not good enough and holding myself back.

Also, I am a woman, but I am 177cm tall, which is very tall for a Japanese person, so I stand out even more.

At school, in the city, on the train—no matter where, I have always felt someone's gaze and felt uncomfortable. Even if others say they don't mean to stare, that momentary gaze pierces through me.

Always, always, what I wished for was,to blend into the crowd and live without standing out.

I hated myself for not being able to be like a normal person
I couldn't fit into groups and was always anxious
I was nervous and scared of being left out
But I tried my best to keep my guard up and pretend to be strong
I couldn't rely on anyone and was always getting hurt

That is truly exhausting every single day.

I couldn't like myself,
crushed by a reality I couldn't change,
it was painful and agonizing.

There is no way such a life could be fun.

But without knowing how to make things better,
I lived vaguely thinking,
maybe something will happen someday and change my life.

While living for decades feeling frustrated in a life where nothing happened and things didn't go as I wanted, I happened to encounter coaching a few years ago, which allowed me to face my feelings deeply, overcome my fears, and move forward.

So, do I spend 100 percent of my time now without worrying about my appearance? That is not the case. There are still moments when I cannot accept myself.
However, even in those moments, I have reached a point where I can think, 'Well, such times happen too.'

The reason I decided to write on note

Actually, in the last few years, I have faced a series of trials regarding my appearance, from complete unilateral facial paralysis due to facial nerve palsy to alopecia areata...
I thought this might be a message to properly face my appearance, so I decided to write on note.

If I can share my story with people who have the same worries or those who have people around them suffering from appearance issues like mine, and if it helps them feel even a little bit of a hint or hope and makes their lives feel easier, I would be happy.

Also, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

I look forward to working with you from now on.