I gave up on being understood.

I am Suenaga, aiming for as many "I get it" moments as possible.

In the past, I...

often thought, "I want this person to understand me."

I would think that quite often.

Why I thought that way.

Why I acted that way.

What I value.

If I felt misunderstood, I would explain.

If it didn't get through, I would explain more.

If it still didn't get through, I would add even more words.

Looking back now, I think I spent a lot of energy on "getting people to understand."

But, as I navigated more human relationships, I realized something.

No matter how much you explain, there are people who won't understand.

Even if I exhausted every word,

"No, but..."

"I don't think so."

is what happens.

At first,

"Maybe I explained it poorly."

I used to think.

So I change how I say things.

I provide concrete examples.

I speak by putting myself in the other person's shoes.

Even then, it doesn't get through.

Conversely, there are also strange things.

Even though I've barely explained anything,

"I understand what you're trying to say."

there are people who say that to me.

Even if I don't explain things all the way to ten,

once I've talked about two or three,

"Ah, that's what you mean, right?"

they understand.

I wonder what this difference is.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

Perhaps it's not just a matter of intelligence or explanation skills.

Things we have experienced so far.

The values we hold dear.

The angle from which we view things.

How we face other people.

With people who are close in those respects, communication happens naturally.

Conversely, if your underlying values are vastly different, no matter how much you explain, you may never see eye to eye.

In other words,

“Not being understood does not mean one of you is wrong.”

Sometimes, it is simply that you are looking at different landscapes.

In the past, I used to try hard here.

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“What I’m trying to say is...”

I would try to make them understand, no matter what.

But recently, I have changed a little.

Of course, I explain things when necessary, such as at work.

I also make an effort to clear up any misunderstandings.

But if it still doesn't get through,

“I guess this person and I see the world differently.”

I have started to stop at that point.

Because,

trying to get everyone to understand you is truly exhausting.

If there are 100 people, there are 100 different sets of values.

There are people who like you.

There are people who don't.

There are people who think like you, and people who think completely differently.

And yet,

Trying to get everyone to understand you,

might be impossible in the first place.

And I realized one more thing.

When the desire to be understood becomes too strong, you start living your life based on others before you even realize it.

How should I say this to make them agree?

How should I act to get them to understand?

What should I avoid saying so I won't be disliked?

Before I knew it, it wasn't 'me' deciding my actions, but 'the other person'.

This is quite exhausting.

That's why lately,

I've started to think it's better to take the time I used to spend on

trying to make people understand me

and use it instead to cherish the people who already do.

People who notice how I feel without me having to explain anything.

People who find my way of thinking interesting.

People who listen to my opinions without dismissing them, even if they disagree.

People who naturally reach out to help when I'm in trouble.

I spend my time on relationships with people like that.

That has made my human relationships much easier.

This is not a story about "cutting off people who don't understand you."

You can just interact normally with people you don't get along with.

Cooperate if necessary.

Say hello.

Value courtesy.

It's just that,

"I absolutely need this person to understand me."

you let go of that attachment.

That is all.

Human relationships are mysterious.

There are people who, the more you chase them, the further away they seem to get.

Conversely, there are people who are naturally close to you without you having to try.

If that's the case, I

want to cherish the latter more.

Instead of spending 100 units of energy on one person who doesn't understand me,

I want to spend that 100 on the people who do understand me.

It's the same when using social media.

There will be people who see your posts and

"That's wrong."

think that.

"I don't know what you're trying to say."

Some people might think that.

I think that's fine.

On the other hand,

"I totally get it."

there are also people who think that.

I am happy if it reaches those people.

If I were to look for words that resonate with everyone, they probably wouldn't resonate deeply with anyone.

That is precisely why I want to write about what I feel in my own words.

People do not need to be understood by everyone.

Rather than continuing to persuade those who don't understand,

it is about not overlooking those who do.

In the past,

"I want this person to understand me."

I used to think that.

Now,

"I want to cherish the people who understand me."

I think that.

Rather than saying I gave up on being understood,

I have become able to choose who I spend my time with.

That might be closer to the truth.

Human relationships and time are both limited.

If that's the case, I want to spend my precious time,

on people who try to understand me.

Lately, that is how I have been feeling.