To Myself, Who Gets Frustrated Every Day
The day I was finally able to forgive myself for 'always getting angry' little by little
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A night where I got angry again
My child won't go to sleep.
They won't put away their toys.
They won't eat their dinner.
Everything I ask them to do is ignored.
And today, once again, I raised my voice and got angry.
'Enough! Just stop it already!!'
...Immediately after, self-loathing sets in.
At night, while looking at their sleeping face,
there were days when tears would fall as I wondered, 'Why did I get angry again?'
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There is no mom who wants to get angry
I am definitely not 'getting angry because I want to.'
In truth, I want to be a gentle mom.
I want to be able to smile and say, 'It's okay.'
I don't want to reject my child.
But...
When I have no patience, no time,
and when my 'I just need you to do this right now' doesn't get through,
my voice ends up getting harsh.
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'The me who gets angry' is the one who suffers the most
After getting angry,
you end up blaming yourself over and over in your heart, don't you?
'I said too much again'
'I must have hurt them'
'Is it okay for me to be this kind of mom?'
But one day, I suddenly realized something.
> The fact that I am worrying this much
> isn't that proof that I truly care about my child?
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Even so, if you can say 'I'm sorry,' it's okay
Recently, after I get angry,
I try to honestly tell my child, 'I'm sorry for earlier.'
Then my child
might say, 'Yeah, it's okay,'
or conversely, ask, 'Mom, did you not like it?'
When a conversation starts, my feelings strangely begin to unravel.
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Finally: Let's be a mom who faces her child, not a mom who never gets angry
Even on days when you get angry,
and nights when you feel down,
your child truly feels your love.
You don't have to be perfect.
It's okay to get angry sometimes.
But please, forgive yourself just a little bit
for trying to face them even when you do.
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📌 Thank you for reading.
I hope this makes the feelings of other moms who are struggling just a little bit lighter.