A single note brought me back to myself. Finding a place for my heart through German music therapy

What is it that I really want to do?

I have asked myself that question many times
throughout my life.

I try things that interest me.
I learn about things I want to try.

But for some reason, I could never reach
the feeling of, "This is what I really want to do."

I always felt like there was something
deep inside my heart
that I hadn't found yet.

Through an experience with German music therapy, I encountered a voice deep within my heart that I hadn't even realized was there, and that experience led me to be drawn to the depth of psychotherapeutic music therapy, which prompted me to deepen my studies further.

I would like to write about that unforgettable experience here.

Music therapy has a gateway to the heart

Music therapy as practiced in Japan focuses on
using music intentionally and systematically
to maintain or recover physical and mental functions,
and to improve quality of life.

For example, typical methods include
vocalizing or stimulating memory through singing,
working on physical functions through playing instruments,
and promoting communication through music,
among others.

On the other hand, in Germany, music therapy has developed
as a form of psychotherapy,
with approaches deeply linked to psychoanalysis.

There, the focus is not just on the perspective of
"using music to improve something,"
but on using music to touch the emotions and
the unconscious world within oneself.

Emotions that have not yet become words.
Feelings I hadn't even noticed myself...

The characteristic of German psychotherapeutic music therapy
is that it uses music as a medium
to understand oneself.

The time I couldn't choose an instrument

In one group session,
there was a time to "freely choose your favorite instrument
and make sounds however you like."

There were many instruments lined up in front of me.

I picked one up and
tried making a sound.

But,

"Something feels wrong"

I would pick up one instrument after another,

“I don't feel like this is it either...”

I kept repeating that process.

Even though the people around me were playing music naturally, I felt restless somehow.
I didn't know what I should choose...

I didn't know what I should choose...

At that moment, strangely enough,
I realized something.

It was that this was the same as
my state of being until now.

I have always had a life where I truly
struggled with indecision.

There are many things I want to try.
There are many things I am interested in.

But,
“what I truly want to cherish”
takes time to find,
and I cannot feel confident in my own feelings...

I had been carrying those thoughts for a long time.

The time during the session was truly the moment when my self, who had been lost in life,
overlapped with my self, who was unable to choose an instrument.

A single sound guided me

It was at that moment.

The sound played by one of the participants echoed quietly.

That sound was very clear,
transparent, soft, and
somehow reached deep into my heart.

At that moment, a small sensation was born in my heart.

“I want to play a sound like this, too.”

It wasn't that I thought about it with my head.

There was no reason for it.

It was just that my heart reacted naturally.

I looked for an instrument that sounded close to that.

And with that instrument, I played each note as if it were precious.

Without rushing. Carefully. And as if savoring the sound of this very moment.

Then, the restless feeling I had been experiencing until just before began to fade away little by little.

It felt as if a quiet space had been created within my heart.

"It is okay to be here."

A sense of security like that began to spread.

What the sound taught me about what is important to me

Through this experience, I realized something.

Perhaps I had been searching for "what I want to do" all along.

But in truth, I think what I needed was not to search for the answer with my head, but to listen to the small voice inside me.

I have always had a strong desire to "be honest with my feelings."

And since I was a child, I have had a desire to face everything with care.

The moment I wanted to play each note with care,

"Ah, this is what I want to cherish."

I felt as if I had remembered the axis of my life.

The presence of others becomes a catalyst for knowing oneself

And there was one more important thing I realized.

This realization would not have been born if I were alone.

If that participant hadn't
played that sound...

I might not have
found the sound I was looking for.

People don't just know themselves on their own;
sometimes we discover who we are
through our encounters and interactions with others.

The very presence of someone else
can illuminate what lies within us.

In this music therapy experience, it was a moment where I quietly
felt the richness of connecting with others.

Music is a door to listening to the voice deep within the heart

Through this experience,
I became strongly drawn to the psychotherapeutic music therapy of Germany,
and from a psychological perspective, I explore the world of
music therapy every day.

Music is
not just something to be enjoyed,

but a door to encountering emotions I hadn't even noticed myself,
and wishes hidden deep in my heart.

Of course, the music therapy practiced in Japan
also plays an important role in supporting people.

Building on that, I
want to continue exploring the world of music therapy as psychotherapy,
where we look together at what lies
inside a person.

What I was looking for that day
was not a single instrument.

What I was looking for
was something that had always been inside me,

the small voice saying, 'This is how I want to be.'

I believe that is what it was.

Thank you very much
for reading until the very end today!