How I learned to face 'words of appreciation' after failing at choosing my words.

Hello!
I'm Yanagi, a former IT engineer and current certified care worker.
It's gotten quite cold lately, and I find myself unable to get out of bed even after I wake up... that's how I've been spending my mornings 💤

Right away, I'd like to talk to you today about a 'failure in word choice' I experienced in my care work, and what I learned from it.

この記事では、以下のことをお話しします。

- 僕が「もっと頑張れば」で相手を傷つけてしまった失敗談
- そこから学んだ「ねぎらいの4原則」
- ブログで公開している「ねぎらいの言葉50選」の紹介
- AIが最適な言葉を自動生成するアプリの紹介

少し長いですが、最後まで読んでいただけると嬉しいです。

I hurt someone by saying 'If you just try harder'

Not long after I started working in care, I made a big mistake.

There was a resident who was having trouble staying positive about their rehabilitation.
Wanting to encourage them, I said this with a big smile on my face.

'If you just try a little harder, you'll be able to walk like you used to!'

At that moment, the resident's face clouded over.

And then, they muttered quietly.

'I suppose that means my current efforts aren't enough...'

Hearing those words, I was taken aback.

I realized how much the words I thought were well-intentioned had actually put pressure on them and hurt their pride and feelings.

I still can't forget the sad look on that resident's face at that time.

The moment 'encouragement' becomes 'negation'

Since that incident, I've started thinking deeply about 'word choice'.

The word 'try your best' is certainly a word of encouragement.
However, depending on the person's situation, it can become a negative message that 'your current efforts are not enough'.

The phrase 'If you just do more of X' is the same.
Even though it's meant as advice, it becomes a negation that 'you are wrong right now'.

I learned that there is a huge gap between the 'intent' of words and 'how they are received'.

And I realized that in the field of care, this 'word choice' is truly difficult.

I learned the '4 Principles of Appreciation'

From that failure, I studied 'words of appreciation'.

And so, I arrived at the following four principles.

Principle 1: Do not deny, accept things as they are

First, accept the other person's efforts and feelings just as they are. Do not use words like "but" or "more."

Principle 2: Say "rest" instead of "do your best"

Saying "do your best" to someone who is already working hard can be counterproductive. Words like "it's okay to rest" or "don't push yourself too hard" reach the heart better.

Principle 3: Praise specifically, not vaguely

Instead of saying "that's amazing," tell them specifically, "you've become able to do [this]." The other person will feel that you are truly paying attention.

Principle 4: Leave the judgment to the other person

Instead of saying "you should do this," respect the other person's feelings by asking, "what would you like to do?"

By simply being conscious of these four principles, I have been able to maximize the "effect" of my words and prevent "accidents" before they happen.

The reason I wrote the blog post

Based on that experience, I wanted to help people who are struggling just like I was, so I started writing articles about "words of appreciation" on my blog.

At first, I published it as "40 Selections," but I received feedback from readers saying they wanted words for more specific situations.

Specifically, scenes like the following.

For those who have just started caregiving, for those whose caregiving has become long-term, for those struggling to balance work and caregiving, for new care staff, for veteran care staff, for care staff after a night shift, and for speaking to families during end-of-life care.

Indeed, these situations are frequently encountered in care settings, yet it is often difficult to find the right words.

Therefore, I added 10 more phrases and expanded it to "50 Selections."

I believe the article has become more practical by listening to the voices of my readers.

The reason I made an AI app

After publishing the article, I realized one more thing.

That is, “Choosing from 50 options is surprisingly difficult.” is what I mean.

When there are as many as 50, it takes time to judge “which one fits the current situation.” This is especially true when you are tired or in a hurry.

So, I used Google's latest AI tool, “Opal,” to create an app where AI automatically generates the optimal words according to the situation.

It is easy to use.
Just choose the person and the situation.
The AI will suggest the best words from five different perspectives.
It takes about 1 minute.
It is free, and anyone with a Google account can use it.

There are two apps.

☕ App A: Caregiving “Words of Appreciation” Maker

Like offering a warm cup of cocoa for the “little exhaustion” of daily life.
You can use it in daily scenes, such as when a colleague at work is late or leaves early due to caregiving, for a sibling who is taking on the care of a parent at home, or when a friend is venting a little on social media.

☂️ App B: Caregiving “Words of Support” Maker

Like quietly holding an umbrella over someone in unspeakable pain.
You can use it in delicate situations where you can't possibly say “hang in there,” such as for a friend who has just said goodbye to a loved one, or for someone who has reached their limit and broken down due to caregiving fatigue.

The 3 phrases I value most

Let me introduce just 3 phrases from the 50 that I personally value the most.

1. “I’m always here to listen when things get tough. Don’t worry about replying.”

The good thing about this phrase is the line, “Don’t worry about replying.”

It doesn’t put pressure on the other person to “have to reply.” It simply shows the stance that “I am here to listen.”

I believe this is true “support.”

2. “It’s okay not to be perfect. You being healthy is what matters most.”

People who are caregiving tend to blame themselves, thinking, “I have to do better.”

But if you aim for perfection and collapse, it defeats the whole purpose.

The phrase “You being healthy is what matters most” helps the other person take the pressure off.

3. “It’s not your fault. Let’s think about it together.”

When a problem occurs, it is important to clearly convey, "It is not your fault."

And then, "Let's think about it together," to help relieve their loneliness.

With these two phrases, the other person can feel at ease and start looking forward.

Words are the best gift

Words are the best gift, costing neither money nor time.

You might feel embarrassed, or perhaps you might miss the right timing. You might even find that the right words just don't come out.

But your single word could warm the heart of someone who is exhausted and become a light that illuminates their tomorrow.

I learned the importance of "word choice" from that failure back then.

And I am sharing that lesson in the form of a blog post and an AI app.

The blog post includes 50 example phrases and an AI app

The blog post contains the following content:

📄 50 Selected Words of Appreciation
50 selected phrases organized by recipient. All are copy-paste ready and can be used as is.

•🏠 Words to give to "family" or "friends" working hard at caregiving (19 phrases)

•🤝 Words to give to "caregiving colleagues" you work with (18 phrases)

•🙏 Words to be close to the hearts of "care recipients" (13 phrases)

🤖 Free AI App
Two apps (Appreciation Phrase Maker, Empathetic Phrase Maker) can be used within the article.

📥 Free PDF Download
You can download the content of the article as a PDF version (all 50 phrases).
Feel free to print it out and post it at your workplace, save it to your smartphone to look back on anytime, or use it however you like.

⚠️ NG Words and the Reasons Why
I explain "NG words" that people tend to say with good intentions, and the reasons why.
For each NG word, I also suggest "words you should say instead."

Click here for the detailed blog post🌱

👉 "Words of Appreciation" in Caregiving That Touch the Heart | 50 Example Phrases to Reach Tired Hearts [Free AI App Available]

Please, give it a read.🍀

Please tell me your 'words of appreciation'.

After reading this article, if there are any 'words of appreciation' you actually use or words that have stayed with you, please let me know in the comments section!

Your experience might be helpful to other readers.

I also want to learn from everyone's words.

Thank you for reading until the end today as well!

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▼Blog
I also run a blog where I share articles that make 'the heart and caregiving a little easier,' as well as immediately useful knowledge and tools.
Please take a look at this as well if you'd like.